During a trip to the Netherlands, I was in the midst of an intense argument with a girl--R. Its difficult to recollect the nature of the argument, but we were ostensibly dating and she was growing frustrated with something I had done earlier in the trip. I was holding a large, empty, glass beer mug in one hand and it began to quiver during the exchange. R's parents began to intervene in the conflict, and merely exacerbated the situation with their condemning and self-righteous tone. I allowed my senses to melt away from the argument and glanced down at the glass, it had a small crack running down the side of it. When I saw this a line from a Built to Spill song ran through my head: "It doesn't matter if you're good or smart / goddamn it, things fall apart." I felt a release inside me and the exciting twinges of a stirring epiphany, and without giving it much thought, I hurled the beer glass to the ground. It shattered sending fragmented crystals in all directions. R gasped and her parents withdrew. I felt a liberating sensation of joy flow through my body and an intolerable pressure that had been building within was appeased. I remember that before breaking it, I had a rigid attachment to the glass, but that all vanished upon hearing the lyrics. Everything took on a blueish hue and I began floating through the sky, with glass shards dancing and swirling around me as I flew.
I woke up in a hospital bed, my dad woke me up and told me I had been unconscious for some time. I had been badly imbedded with glass and cuts and lost a substantive amount of blood. I was confused because I had felt so wonderful and alive after I smashed the mugs. He told me I was to make a public apology to the monarchy or I would be extradited from the Netherlands. At the press conference I flickered in and out of sleep, unable to form words without waking up--I remember being awake and strongly wishing to return to the dream to finish my apology.
Things fall apart