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The Weight of Love

This is a really STRANGE one, I don't know what I was on to come up with this image. It's rather brief and straight forward, but the plot is definitely there and even though it's a month or two old I'm still mystified as to what the meaning of it could have been. Perhaps someone can help me?...

This story is of a love affair between two celebrities. Renee Zellweger and Antonio Banderas, I believe "I" am playing Banderas in this scenario. They aren't actually playing themselves, but they are playing 'versions' of themselves. The names are different though, however I am unable to recall what they were?

Banderas works in Hollywood, doesn't have an over-inflated ego like most but is renown none the less. A playboy but a romantic at heart - one night, he spots a girl, delicate and elegant, he glances down at her from atop a hill where she stands poised beneath a street lamp. She is BREATHTAKING and 'immediately' he takes one look at her and he sees a 'star'. But with Zellweger herself having dreams of stardom being the furthest thing from her mind, the girl at first acts dis-interested. Possibly one of the few young ladies in America that feel that way, it just makes Banderas want her even more. Banderas sees 'talent' in her and offers his assistance as her manager. Zellweger initially turns him down and is quite strong about it. However, charmed by Banderas' advances and intrigued by his confidence in her she decides to give him a shot.

It's important to note that I see everywhere these two go they seem to have these lil' wing-flapping cupid angels that seem to be pushing the two of us together. (I'm willing to bet these lil' angels represent the individuals' Spirit Guides. As they seem to be there helping these two but neither one seems to acknowledge their presence.)

Banderas starts her off by having her moonlight as a singer. IMMEDIATELY her first single takes her to the top of the charts and the hits keep coming after that. The story skips ahead over the two's rise to the top. Eventually they get engaged and then married. Renee transfers over to film and before you know it she's winning every kind of award there is. We start a family together and everywhere Renee goes the paparazzi document, and bombard her with neverending questions and flash pulps.

Time moves along and Renee's character 'alters' somewhat? -She becomes demanding and easy to anger. The word 'diva' would be painting too glamorous a picture to describe her. She's Hollywood's biggest 'nightmare'. The paparazzi never see this side of her but "I" do. And so do the kids. Right away the symbolism SCREAMS in obvious overtones, does the phrase "I've created a monster" ring a bell to anyone? -Renee goes through a downward spiral in the later years of her life. Her health becomes an issue as she's always drinking and popping pills and eating just to relieve stress. All because Banderas ("I") love her so damn much I fail to say a single word of criticism to her. No matter what she does or how badly she treats others I never let her know what I TRULY think of her behavior. I can't help but feel Spirit is trying to tell me something about me and Chris and my line of thinking as of late?

I do recall one particular tough to watch moment for me (as Banderas) watching Renee try to film a scene for a movie with a young boy actor who is having trouble acting or remembering his lines. As soon as the director yells cut the boy can tell by the look on Renee's face that she's upset. He tries to apologize to her and say he'll do better next time but Zellweger cuts him off and utters something to the effect of "my God could you pick a worse actor, this lil' urchin is broken throw him out and get me a new one!!"-

The kids and I follow Renee back to the house which is apparently made out of a tree. And when I say a tree, I don't mean a treehouse, no I mean "inside" the actual root of the tree itself! Like a combination of a hobbit home and the Keebler Elves' cookie factory. The children behind Renee hold mommy's dress at the back as she walks. Renee is so out of it she snaps at me and the kids and even the cupids look hurt by this predicament, and she keeps stumbling over everything. Right after we leave the movie set the director comes up to me and fires Renee from the picture.

I'm at a loss as what to do. I finally get Renee to drift off to sleep. She acts mean and tough but she pulls me close to her and lets me know how lucky she still feels to have me, and how much my undying love comforts her. -The children come up to me and ask "what's the matter with Mommy, why is she so angry?" I let them know that "your mother is just under a lot of stress right now, she's very sick and needs her rest." "Will she ever get better?" "(long pause) I don't know sweetheart, I just don't know." "I don't like Mommy when she gets like this" I choke up. "Gosh, you children should have seen your mother when I first met her, she was breathtaking." "She was?" "Oh my goodness yes, she was the most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes on, and she was FULL of life, we used to have so much 'fun' together." "How come she's not like that now." "(long pause) Well I'm afraid that's Daddy's fault. You're Daddy's showered Mommy for all these years with so much love. After a while it becames rather difficult for Mommy to handle so much of you're Dad's love at once." "Can't you help her Daddy?" Even longer pause...

As I finish up talking with my young children (a son and a daughter I believe) I take a moment to reflect on my life with Renee, as I take a walk outside into the distance and notice all the 'clues' I was too daft to pick up on back then. I never actually see it happen but I get a strange sensation from the moment that Renee is dead from and overdose back at the house. I notice how all throughout the relationship Renee began feeling unworthy of my undying love and started lashing out, the more I try to get close to her the more she would push me away by acting out as a means to get me to break up with her. And that includes becoming overweight as she is. "I" was making her sick, and it was my love that was killing her?...

I grasp in my mind a visual of Renee as she is now and compare it to Renee when I first met her. I feel more guilty than anyone. I think of that exquisite 'perfect' young girl I saw under the light all those years back and wonder where she went to? And I contemplate to myself a reality in which I never bothered to introduce myself to her. She could have gone on to live a GREAT life if I hadn't butted in. Despite it all, the fights, the drugs, the alcohol, the overweightness, she's still PERFECT in my eyes, even though I've come to realize she's no longer the girl I married. She's still the woman I "love".

The dream is left open-ended. I never actually LEAVE Renee, but I walk in the opposite direction, disappear into the darkness of the night. Ask myself 'what do I do now?'...

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