loading
toonhead2102
141
21
starlight
180149
journal
over 10 years ago
entries
posts
guy
ended
life
told
make
issue
thing
weeks
reader
reason
news
chris
guitar
end
be
981
On Cloud 10, and I'm not coming down!

October 26, 2013

Recently, I've been to see my tarot reader about something that's been bugging me, had me in such a 'black' depression I would actually go as far as to claim the night I learned over the internet Chris has a boyfriend for real in real life was absolutely the worst day of my life I've had since I can remember. My thoughts were on very negative, very dark feelings and emotions - I was having such an emotional reaction to the news my digestive track wasn't working right for the next couple weeks. A week before that I finally got desperate enough, I felt I needed my tarot read. And whatever my reader told me was gonna decide my final decision for me as to how I intended to proceed this Chris thing I have going on. -I didn't know what to expect but I had so LONG OVERDUE questions that needed addressing concerning this situation I have going on with Chris (familiar readers who have read some of my earlier posts will understand what and who I'm referring to) and anyway, for some reason after hearing this news, I had prepared myself for the worst! --Nothing could have been more shocking for me what I ended up being told.

Just to clarify, I only share the details of this meeting cause it will explain some of the count 'up' dreams I will be posting shortly to this site. Since I have had a lot of unexpected help from my readers in previous posts I had figured on continuing to post any further developments concerning the awaited answer I am shortly to receive. I'll explain what that means in a moment. -Anyway, this will just act as a frame of reference to help put any further dream posts involving the topics discussed below into context.

Without going into too much unnecessary detail I guess I was feeling I little 'defeated' for some reason. Invisible, lost, directionless, it's hard to pinpoint. I had neglected to ask it specifically last reading and I decided this was something that needed DIRECT addressment, as an issue I've been attempting to get from psychics I've turned to ever since I first started this "awakening" process last January of 2011. And that was "is there anything 'concrete' between me and Chris or not?" -And if not then how can I "make" there be?...

I was surprised that my reader was actually willing to go through this whole issue. I don't know what I expected to happen but I anticipated unresolved issues by the end of it. Instead, we talked it out for nearly 4 hours (typical session is just over 2) and we went over everything I had to ask her about Chris and "why do I feel this strongly about him if it's not meant to be?" -We also covered another issue that wasn't particularly bothering me at the time which turned out to be more of an issue than I originally thought which I'll get to in a moment.

Anyway, I'll try to briefly summarize so this doesn't drag on too much. I was told about some life changing rites of passage coming my way. Most of what I was told was mostly good news, infact I walked away almost feeling like I won the lottery or something, it was hard to believe what I was told. At the risk of someone here potentially bringing me down, I still felt it was necessary to share this with my readers here cause it's a rather significant thing I experienced and part of the deal is I was advised to attract an audience, or a following if you will, on order to make a few of these things start happening for me.

I was told I would be gaining new friends soon, I'd be attracting some more people into my life like the friends I met that day back during the summer by the river. I was also told something rather interesting which the more I start to look at it the more it seems to make probable sense. If you will all take another look at my "It Wasn't a Dream" post http://dreamcatcher.net/toonhead2102/14787 this may put a few things into perspective. Apparently according to my reader I may have missed my calling in life as a musician. I have this acoustic guitar that's been sitting around in my closet since I was around 14 or 15, that I couldn't quite remember exactly how it's still here, I could have sworn we sold it in a yard sale a while back. I only recently started thinking about it again.

She told me she definitely sees music in my future. DEEP lyrics, kind of dark material but there's a light to the songs as well. She told me there's a "reason" that guitar has stayed in my closet to this date!? She advised me, treat my guitar like my best friend, name it, and whenever I get stressed out about anything in particular or more specifically anything regarding this thing with Chris, grab my axe and belt it out! Over time I may end up gaining a band and I'm gonna be meeting this mysterious 'blonde' that I originally mistook the guy in August for. Although some of this stuff may be quite a ways down the road but when I asked her the question "how long is 'long time'?" she told me she -nor any psychic- can answer that question, because long is however long you decide you 'need' something to be! Anywhere from 15 minutes to 10 years, you get the picture...

Now, before I continue, the bad news. Here's the clarification I was given for something I didn't even know was that big of a deal. My reader ended up telling me the moment I first walked into the shop to book an appointment after my long absence having not stopped in lately, she could see this black/grey 'vibe' circling around me. But the way these things work is she couldn't actually identify what it might be until I gave her a little further information. Apparently - when this guy I met Bernie, ended up showing up infront of my house again after a couple or so weeks of silent communication between the two of us online, I was smart enough not to get in the car with him this time and my reader, she looked me with utmost seriousness in the eyes and told me "I may have made the smartest decision I've made in my life up to this point, by not getting back in that car." I told her about the whole incident and almost immediately from what I was telling her she started getting a real bad feeling.

She told me that voice in the back of my head saying "you idiot, don't get in the guy's car!" was most definitely my intuition, and this may have been some sort of life experience/test. Not many people would have listened to that voice, you hear about it all the time on the news, luckily I am apparently quite in-tuned with my intuition. She told me flat that without a doubt not only is this Bernie NOT my blonde, but this guy could be potentially dangerous. She advised me to carry a weapon (worst case) or to maybe do a background check, there was reason to believe this guy could be a serial killer or pervert of some sort.

Anyway, I haven't heard from him in a while and hopefully he's out of my life for good.

When it came to the subject of Chris -even though she had to bring me down a bit with a 'but' at the end- I ended up getting a YES card to my wish when it came to that part of the tarot reading. It may be true after all that Chris and I are indeed connected in somewhat. He may even BE my mysterious 'blonde' but it's not definite...yet?

I won't go over the whole thing but to make a long story short - I told my reader about myself, doing a ritual every night to ask the above Divine entities (I'm kinda broad in my description of whom I'm addressing cause I'm still trying to make up my mind what faith I am essentially - currently I'm leaning toward Gnosticism?) for permission to communicate with Chris through dreams, like I've done before. Permission for us to invade each other's dreams so we can communicate. I feel so disunited with Chris and I just wanna hear it from HIS words, whether I can be with him or not? -Ultimately? And I was told by my reader to keep it up, it's going to good use, and she said specifically that I should wait --- "3 weeks", to receive an answer from him, or a sign of some kind?

I was so over the moon ecstatic, I left that reading feeling like two 16 megaton lead weights had been lifted off my shoulders, I was actually convulsing on the way home my body was adjusting to having so abruptly 'releasing all this unwanted negative energy' all at once. I couldn't wait for those three weeks to be up, which I'm still counting to this date though. But I haven't just been sitting around, every day I try to make an outward step. I've tried tweeting and Facebooking Chris, I worked up the nerve which I should have done a LONG time ago, and like my reader's advice I'm waiting patiently the 3 weeks before I can expect some kind of response if it be! I've also taken out my axe and am attempting to self-learn guitar, I'm trying to get a daily meditation and yoga ritual going which is easier said than done now that my town is receiving snow and it's getting cold out.

Still, the term countdown just seemed to me to be too stressful and depressing, too much absolution. I choose to look at this more as the start of a new beginning, my second chance at life, to correct a mistake I've been paying for for nearly 15 years. So instead I'm counting "up" to the end of this 3 week period. --So as you continue to read my occasional posts - some may be a little too inappropriate for a public site like this but regardless, the ones I do post will be showcasing my progress in regards to Chris' answer. I still got about a week to go - which me luck y'all?!!...

life
dream dictionaries
news
dream dictionaries
end
dream dictionaries
guitar
dream dictionaries
theta b3.0
random dream...
Join now!