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Dark Night of the Soul

This is a recurring dream that I had during my Dark Night of the Soul.

A person that I couldn't see led me by the arm to a dark prison cell and shoved me inside. I spent a moment staring at the grimy grey stone walls and jumped at the sudden metallic slam of the door, spinning around to see my captor vanishing from sight. I noticed tiny glint of light on the ground and realize that he had dropped the key. I rush forward and fall to my knees, straining my arm through the bars to touch the key ring with the tips of my fingers. Unfortunately, every time I touched it, I seemed to accidentally knock it away until the key is just out of reach. A feminine voice laughs at my attempts, mocking me.

"Its right there, can't you reach it?" "Pathetic." "You're so fat, so ugly, so stupid." "You can't do anything right." "Its useless." "You can't win."

The words echo and spin around me as I strain for the key, sweat running down my face and my teeth clenched in pain, but with the next sentence a chain flies out of the wall and clamps around my ankle, dragging me away from the door. Other voices join with the first, young and old, male and female. With every new phrase, new chains slam against me and shackle my limbs, suspending me above the ground.

"It's ALL your fault..." "If you had just shut up and did what I said-" "LIAR!" "I HATE you!" "Just had to open your mouth-" "I don't want to hear!" "TRAITOR!" "You wouldn't throw your own ______ under the bus..." "Don't you love us?" "You're so BROKEN-" "You actually like hurting us, don't you?" "What do you mean, you don't remember?!" "We have to fix you..."

The cell faded away to blackness, the chains spreading away into infinite space and are all that I can see. The dream stagnated in this spot for maybe five years or so.

Then, one night, there was a breakthrough. A male voice cut through all the others, silencing them, saying, "I believe you." A shining light emanated from my chest at the these words, and, by inches, came forwards to hover in front of me. It was the key, encased by a warm, golden light. It had been inside of me all along!

By steps and increments the dream progressed. Several nights I hung there with the key, trying to figure out how to use it with the Others hissing in the background. The One stayed by my side, whispering encouragements. "It's okay." "I'm right here." "I believe in you." "You're so good, so beautiful, so intelligent." "You can do it." "Take your time." "I love you."

Eventually, I managed to turn the key. All of the shackles released me at once and the darkness disappeared, dropping me back into that cell. I couldn't leave yet, though, because I knew that there was a guard by the door, so I waited many more nights for the guard to leave.

Finally, he left. I got up, stretched my legs, opened the door, and walk right out of my cell into the sunlight.
I've never had that dream since then.

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