I have been trying to remember.
This morning all I could carry from the dream world was stretchy. I mean that as I woke I tried to hold on but the only thing that came with me was a feeling and this feeling was one of flexible stretchy membranes in organic shapes. It’s become visual now that I write it but the experience was more of interaction with reality and that reality was built upon layers of elements that held shape but also yielded to my ‘touch’. It’s so interesting how as I write this now it is resolving into something almost physical and practical, but it was not that. What I have now is an image of infinite sheets of spandex like material stretched out… and if you cut holes into these they would create organic swooping oval shapes that one could see through to the infinite layers with their arches, columns and portals revealing ever more. I quite sure i can find some macroscopic photo of an internal organic structure that will look like this, and intend to. But again… this is only the ‘feeling’ that I was able to import back from a complete dream.
As I interacted with this world everything I did, bore an effect on the immediate surroundings. They stretched, and I had fun stretching this world.
As I lay there grasping for more information I inevitably came more into my body. I checked in somewhat but my morning ritual is evolving and becoming more defined. I lay my head between two large pillows which keeps most external sounds muted, and I put a small pillow over my eyes in order to stay ‘in there’ longer. It’s bright in my east facing room in the morning.
I began to tone as I have for about two weeks now. Just trying to make clear concise notes; playing with my range and registers. Sometimes I shape my mouth and throat to get overtones – which I have been practicing for decades now.
I need to add 3 little back stories at this point. Also please note: I have never been very fond of most of so-called visionary art. I understand that it is trying to illustrate this etheric stuff, but I wouldn’t hang it on my walls if you know what I mean.
1. Once a few years ago when doing some very deep breath work with a healer named Peter Hurly- I began to spontaneously tone. As I did each note resolved an incredible trans-dimensional mandala in my mind. These were intricate holographic shapes that I know now were obviously cymatic. Each one had a color and corresponded to a chakra. I remember thinking at the time that these beautiful symbols are the basis for so much ancient and sacred art. The various lotus flowers of the chakras, the mandalas all represent what I was accessing. But I was accessing the real deal and the art as beautiful as it is can only approximate it in this 3d / 2d expression. It was so much fun. I remember thinking it was like playing a kind of harp with my body/spirit. I have always wanted to experience this again… but to be honest I have never tried whole heartedly.
2. Last year at Burning Man 2011, Late Saturday night, I attended an evening in a very sacred dome hosted by friends. It was a private affair because we had been doing deep sacred work. At one point 3D reality melted away and I was able to see the ‘light body’ of everything. Believe me I know how corny and woo woo this sounds, but much like the same luminous ‘material’ the chakra mandalas were made of I could see the energetic counterpart to everything that we normally consider ‘real’ or ‘solid’. I don’t know if I closed my eyes or had them open…it didn’t seem to matter, but I suddenly became cognizant that I could see my entire life matrix in light, and I could play with it, sculpt it. Conduct it. I had the sense of being an artist hacking into the source code. If there was anything out of alignment with my preferences I could simply tune it to where I wanted it. To where it pleased me the most…. and I intuited that this tuning would then have reciprocal reflection out in 3d land. The tuning of an instrument is the closest thing that describes it, and even as I thought of that I realized why we have legends of angels playing harps. I know with total conviction this is just an earthly way to attempt to describe what they do.
3. Last night I was toning again, only this time it became more song like. Wow it felt so good to sing! I have always loved singing. First just singing along to records as a child, singing pop songs from memory – then as a young adult I began to write songs and sing in bands. I’ve always loved it. But this is a very different kind of singing. I was just improvising and exploring and it over took my being and great joy flooded into my body. This is precisely what singing is supposed to do. And instead of affecting my voice as I would in a pop song around lyrics; this kind of singing seeks a purity of note and vibratory frequency that plunges the entire being into an altered state. What a gift!
So this morning as I was toning it began to give way into this singing again. I gave myself over to it, and as I did I found myself flying over earth-like landscapes of incredible purity and balance, with a sense that all here was truly harmonious. Then I saw myself dancing in slow motion in Tai chi like motions and soon I was spinning a bo-staff. My bo staff! Only I don’t have a bo staff. I have played around with sticks and other people’s staffs before, but I connected to this piece of wood as though I knew it for a very long time. Suddenly I realized that my song was calling my staff back to me. WHAT? Yes I was lying in my bed singing to an imaginary piece of wood calling it home. I’m very curious to see the results.
The song continued and morphed and now I was adding slow consonant sounds to what had previously only been vowels. Za Li M Be Du Ga Si. That kind of stuff. Just syllabic sounds that have no meaning that I am aware of – much like Do Rey Mi Fa So La Ti Do. I wonder where those come from? Part of me was observing all of this and making these notes, but the other part was giving myself over to this beautiful song, and at times I was performing it for others in a night-time gathering in this perfect dream world. Suddenly I knew that my song was calling for memories. Yearning to remember things that I cannot even form into thoughts or words at this time. At one point the song erupted into sorrow of massive loss, and the emotion crashed over me like a wave of memory so horrible that it had not been remembered for a very long time. I felt like I had lost my entire world and all my loved ones. I cried, but I continued to sing (which is difficult physically) but I knew that with my song I could transform this sorrow into beauty. So I plunged in, using my body through the song alchemically to mutate this grief into the beauty of this now…. here so far from that time.
I began to see the hints of the light harp again. Automatically my hands went into the air and began slowly forming shapes in harmony with the song I was singing. It was synaesthetically one action as I automatically conducted with strange symmetrical mudras forming my hands, forming the light. This light harp wasn’t as vivid as I had experienced it back in the dome last September, but it was there, faint and delicate and I coaxed it into new shapes, sculpting them with intentions around my life that appeared in the background. I want to merge my spirit with my purpose. I want to serve to the maximum of my potential. I desire to live like this always. I am a good father. I love people. I am an artist. I will build an airship skytemple, and so forth.
Soon I blossomed back into the still reality of my morning room. The song faded and I lay in silence, except for the purring of two cats that flanked me. One black the other white upon which I laid my conductors hands to rest. GOOD MORNING!