July 2, 2010 — A Dream of Innocence & Love
Sometimes I have dreams that when I awake feel like a gift from whatever God is, or the Universe. Vivid and alive and their own complete experience while in the dream, the feelings and memory carry over into consciousness, as real as an experience lived.
Last night’s dream was a beautiful one, and raised questions in my mind, as well as answers.
lavender and light blue pastels and silver by water, the sun glimmering, reflecting, along a plank walkway along a lake, a white railing, or light-colored wood.
She asked me what I was thinking. I had been staring out into the blue, the water blue, sky blue, shimmering with the last hour of light — I turned and her eyes were shimmering, too.
“That’s not an easy question to answer,” I said. “How honest do you want me to be?”
“Say the truth.” She smiled. “Or why speak at all?”
I fell into her eyes then, an ocean of light behind them, whole universes and God laughter, secrets to immortality in them, to understanding. Blue infinities, she brought me back with a light touch to my arm.
The next night she was at a party Sarah and I were at (it felt like a burn), deep beats of music and whirling fire, she spinning poi and a hoop, breasts bared as the circle of flame spiraled around her, Sarah astonished by her beauty and smiling to see me awed, too. I told Sarah about the universes within her eyes and Sarah understood, grokking this completely. The woman came to say hi, body warm and skin damp from fire and exertion, and she hugged me and I could feel her heart beating fast. My eyes were lit wide and she kissed me when I told her she danced with beauty and when I introduced her to Sarah, she kissed her, too.
She stayed with us a while, wandered off, wandered back, pulling us into play, and often bringing herself physically close, holding a hand, leaning against an arm, arms around waist as she sat behind us, kneading shoulders, more kisses, constantly smiling. I looked at Sarah and felt no danger, no threat from this magical female. I began to suspect Silvergirl was swimming inside her, and as love began to blossom in me I trusted her completely, no fear, no doubt. I think Sarah saw that she was completely real, too.
Dreamy conversation, the kind that is so stellar in dreamland but impossible to create awake. Love was growing from me, all around me, spreading through everyone there, the dancers, the musicians, their bright smiles, lots of people were hugging, leaping, moving wildly with joy.
I remember holding her hand and feeling so *good*. She raised our hands and kissed the back of mine. Beauty and resonating divineness, humanness. Sensuality.
She and I making love, slipping inside her warm, soft, strong body, and I think this is what woke me.
Did I wake because I suddenly questioned if this was right? Or because the beauty was true and the dream had told its story?
I savored the experience, regardless, as I didn’t want to question. Silverlove, spurt of love, no conflict until my mind was back in the world.
I fell back asleep not fighting or judging my dream, and there she was again. We went swimming, and later lay back on a blanket on the grassy bank of the lake, watching the sky darken into stars. I felt pure and like heaven was close.
When I woke again, morning had arrived in the real, and a beautiful true memory had joined with who I am. I’m not sure if it means anything more than that.
Love the moment — mushrooms on a coffee cup gave that advice the other day. No questioning, even though I am. Love the Beauty.