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Bull fight

Last night I spent much time switching between being a matador and being the bull that was being slaughtered for the amusement of the crowd. I felt the cold steel of the swords entering my back and neck. I felt blood in my eyes as I fought for my life. I felt the tranquilizer that the humans injected me with slowing down my ability to do so. I felt rage and terror and heard the screams of the crowd. I couldn't understand what I had done to deserve this experience, as a bull. As a Taurus, I sympathized as an observer within the bull itself. I thought of my life as a bull, and how terrible I had been consistently treated. I filled with hate, and was barely able to even control myself as I lunged at the matador.

I also felt the excitement of being the killer matador. I felt my blood coursing through my own veins, being egged on by the crowd to be more and more artful and brutal. I felt my own ego surge at the yells and cries of the people in the stands. I felt a psychopathic lack of empathy for the creature I was torturing to death. I felt the wave of death desire from the screaming multitudes.

But as I switched back and forth, the emotions mixed together. They became inseparable as being from one or the other being. My mind began to wander to humankind and the present current of energies globally. I saw images of people doing similar things to other people. I felt war. I felt fear, rape, torture, grief, rage, et cetera. I saw them all like flashes in a very quickly edited music video, and I wanted to scream at the unholy vibration of all of it.

But that's just it. I felt that EVERYTHING is a creation of the Universal Mind. Everything is an individuation of the One experiencing Itself. I saw the evil in dreaming as I choose to see the good in waking life, and the terror of the magnitude of the All overwhelmed me. I woke up unsettled, and sick to my stomach.

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