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Understanding then and now.

Your mind gets pulled into so many directions that sometimes you can't even tell where goes where. Tonight I've listen to some very inspiring speeches that make me want to change the world, grow, inspire, change, and so much more to make my life and this world a better place. In the same room of someone that may be the only one I have the hardest time understanding; My boyfriend. I have experienced many experiences and he has as well but of course very different. Both of us brought up by different situations that led us to be who we are today. I believe of myself today in the moment in this time of my life that I love to inspire, to teach, to help, to love, to learn, to grow, to understand, to become someone that will help my self, the people around me, and even the world. In my perspective without any attempt to understand him I see a 19 year old living a 19 year olds life. Figuring out life, working, having fun, playing video games, staying up late, eating out, spending money, seeing friends, going on adventures. I don't see any attempt of growing, understanding, maturing. As of now he has no idea of any career and lives in a routine that has not been changed for months now. May be that i just don't understand that mind set because of the way i was raised and what i have experienced. I feel stuck, trying to push what I want with no support from someone. Not that anyone really needs any because to be strong is to pull yourself on your own but having help and support always helps. In my mind I see two different people of around the same age; I am 18. Living with completely opposite minds under the same roof. At this point in my life i don't understand why i'm still here or why i have not left yet or done anything to go forward. I know that it will all result in something that will no matter what help me grow. As Steve Jobs says when you look back you'll connect the dots as of now you must trust that you will soon see the dots connected to where you are then and see that it all happened and now you see how it all connects. I'm waiting for that moment that i know will come soon in time. I am not saying i'm not happy and that he is not a great person I am writing down what i feel to grow when i understand and compare and contrast my thoughts of then and now. My understanding of my mind now to when i will grow then. Sometimes its very difficult to find people with mutual feelings. I have been very aware of my bit mature mindset at my age compared to people of my age. I don't mind it at all i appreciate that things that i have experienced and love that i have grown and learned to become who i am today and the person that people love around me. I can only hope that i will continue to grow and continue to inspire and teach others and understand a more healthier and peaceful way of living.

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