im at some sort of gathering in a forest
there are many familiar faces and i know intuitively that this is a gathering for theta healing masters and practitioners, light workers, and light beings
i see old lovers
purple erik stands out
i do a strange dance with karuna in the waters
as a group we are looking for a place to take a picture
im being looked to to find the perfect place
i find it quickly and i point to left and a bit of ways out of the shadows and into where the sun is beaming strong
i sense that we are walking away from the water and shadows of very tall luscious forest trees as we grow closer to the light of the day beaming brightly in the grass
once my face reaches the sun, i instantly boom into full light
but not yet with my entire being- satchi om comes and i see his figure dimly through the light. its a wild smile that makes me trust.
he touches his head to mine as we melt together into the brightest fractal light together. i sense other are with us in this illumination.
satchi telling me telepathically "see yourself"
i see three of me
three vast vortexes of physical body placed in a row before me
i can feel my focus in the center but first i must really CENTER
i see my left vortex, my feminine come into wholeness and immediately after my left and masculine self comes it
i felt my whole lifetime of pain, injuries, my muscles tension, my expectations, fears, self doubts, loneliness melt into Maximum honey dripped golden lit wholeness. my brightest and most actualized wonderment and divinely illuminated self.
any and every past experience with what i thought was enlightenment
and all preconceived imaginings as to what my current evolution, wholeness, and full love vibrational potential on a physical plane shattered into the most unexpectedly elegant and super supportive space
what was most intense and surreal was that i was IN my body yet SO tangibly other worldly
or actually earthly, because im still here, on earth, recollecting this experience that i am excited to know and feel is void of duality
i feel as though my dark, and sometimes masochistic way of finding truth is not in vain
the struggle and pain in my life i was being taught in this meeting to acknowledge, so that it could be lifted up into the light to transform
i am all of those things past to present a wholeness that i do Now accept Fully
i surely see darkness passing, and i see the distinct patterns within where i manifest my light
but i still wonder-- and i still feel i have to give space to others i still feel so deeply like my blood family and
others in this world around me hurting, hurting themselves and repeating programs that truly serve none but the dying...
i want to LIVE
i want this earth to live
i want the light to find them- and will it in a way cathartic enough to make them ACT consciously and compassionately?
WILL I even continue to have such deep and bright epiphanies so that i may carry the light within?
i know im not the only one but
i dont want to feel like im the only one
it feels like a lot of pressure... it feels tired a lot of times... i feel pressure to process especially when im the only one seeing myself out side of a volatile or unhealthy situation unraveling....
granted i have learned MUCH about creating psychic boundaries... which has infinitely effected my energy levels. this has been a recent prayer-- to find the strength to conserve energy for myself by being able to CHOSE what i channel and how and when.
but how can i live an open channel Life, an activated life and Support myself and be around those who support THIS level... and not feel like im rejecting or judging or excluding people from my life?