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almost 8 years ago
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Beyond Random

When I first began dreaming I was 28 years old...I had gone through a serious recalibration of life after four months of being entirely lost in a singularity state of mind. Every night I dreamed, watching my mind repair itself. It the morning, the dreams would have a whole story, a specific conclusion, and I could almost always see what the idea or belief was that my mind was restructuring or resolving.
This process lasted four months, during which time I had become rather lucid during the dreams. I recall dramatic scenarios being played out, where so many people form my life would provide the right information at the right time to help me reach fulfillment of what appeared to be the dreams quest.

A few months later I had a most vivid dream...I was transforming into this creature while running down the road...the shift was so startling I woke up quite estranged.

Months later I had another sort of lucid dream, where I defied death through the realization I was dreaming.

It was a year before I started remembering my dreams again, nights would pass in the blink of an eye. As If I had gone somewhere I shouldn't have been and was locked away from it for some time.

When my dreams returned I was here in Bali. I had my first fully conscious lucid dream, where I was thinking and moving consciously...but I tried to hard and woke myself up. This only happened once and again, afterwards a period of 7 months went by without recollection of dreams, not even the faintest idea that I had dreamed at all.

This last week I have began dreaming again...yet the content, it is so scattered and fragmented. Just last night I can remember have so so much happen....as if I were in the dream world for weeks. Yet all I remember are scattered bits, like 5 second clips and fading photos of the situations. They were all so strange...I can only relate to them fleeting thoughts or insignificant details of my real life. There appears to be either great symbolism, beyond what I have before considered, or nonsense.

Last night some of the scenes where dramatic, like a graduation where I was both watching two people have sex and the person having sex....other scenes were like a video game, where i was helping someone figure out to catch these monkeys....another scene was all about this ring that had pieces missing, and myself and others were trying to figure out where they had gone.

Reoccurring themes...games, some sort of task or mission...something lost or not right that needs to be solved....and then totally random and bizarre abstractions.

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention....
I have had dreams all week, but last night was the most memorable and seemed to have the most content. It just so happens last night I completed two specific meditations I had never tried before. The first was a chess board meditation, where I successfully had the squares dissolve into one color....man, those squares do some wild weird stuff to the eyes before they begin to shift.
The second was a mirror meditation, staring at the base of a mirror at the root of the nose. After several times of having the mirror go grey I stopped....although it was incredible to focus for so long, and to seemingly make progress during my first attempt for these balancing and self-reflective practices, I did not feel like the progress would go any further.

I attribute the feeling of how long the dream was that followed, and how I remembered many of the scenes and situations so well, to the mirror meditation. As far as subconscious symbolism, it all just seems random, superficial, or arbitrary.

We shall see what tonight will bring!

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