almost 10 years ago
under water
asking for forgiveness

i was visiting my god uncle and auntie (who are actually divorced now) in the desert somewhere.
They were running a parts shop with odds and ends. i don't remember what i needed. but i went out. the shop was a abode style place, with tall yellowish/clay straight walls with flat roofs (patios) and metal outside stairs in places.
flat desert floor everywhere, super bright and sunny out.
the entrance was within the the left wall of the u shape of the building
when i went inside, no one was there so i started to look around.
Eventually my uncle (whom i really do not like) came out and asked what i needed. i don't even remember, but stuff took place and eventually my auntie came out (who i still have a decent relationship with) and ushered me into the back room.
When i go in there, it's just a big rectangle shape. there were 2 locker room shower heads on the right and a blond white girl on the left. she was cowering and i was confused
suddenly, auntie Elaine grabbed my arm and dragged me to the furthest shower and turned it on
her and uncle Louise were bickering back and forth about what to do with me, and then i heard him say, just suffocate her in your side!
she turned on the shower and was putting my head under the stream, and stuffing my face into her fat sides (she isn't really fat tho in real life)
i was suffocating and struggling and really scared.
but then i remembered i have really long nails so i was clawing and scratching and basically just digging my nails in as hard as i could
finally i wrestled free and ran past my uncle who did nothing to stop me, and out onto the desert and got away
i feel like we had a van or something and i was with someone..

i woke up briefly and went to the washroom at this point.
and when back fell asleep,

i was with my mommy and she wanted to go visit auntie Elaine and Louise. i really didnt want to, because i hadn't told her what they had done to me.
i was with Chris and Sabrina, and we were all younger.
when we got there, it was obvious that uncle Louise was a drug dealer and they were doing a lot of cocaine.
they had tons of really nice things in their place.
i was trying to be nice to auntie Elaine, and when we arrived she was sitting at a nice black granite counter top with her back turned to us.
i was really scared.
i said "hello auntie Elaine" in a really flat monotone voice, and i saw her tense up and get angry
so i softened it and said "i brought you some mint for mint tea! i grew it myself.."
and i put it on the counter in front of her, and retreated to my mommy.

i tried to make conversation, but it was obvious auntie Elaine was angry.
so i went exploring.

my brother had found the gaming room and was lounging on a bean bag chair playing video games on a really big screen tv.
all the floors were covered in really nice thick plush carpet.
Sabrina was in a different room downstairs doing something else, and i tried to get her to come with me, but she wouldn't.
i wandered into another room and suddenly was cornered by my uncle Louise, and i thought he was going to rape me.
instead, he started to beg me for forgiveness and that ever since that incident where he tried to kill me, he's had an evil spirit or bad luck following him
i was angry and i didn't want to forgive him and i told him so
he dragged me into another room and was about to make me watch a sorry he made on tv when i woke.

on another note.
my uncle louise is a dirty man. he's never touched me or anything, but i know he is a dirty person from the stories my daddy told me.
My dislike for him stemmed from when i was around 4 years of age, he took my glow worm from me, whom i still have and love, and popped it's face open! right in front of me!
because i didnt want to hand him over in the first place, he was angry with me!
I have never really forgave him for that and have carried a dislike for him ever since.
maybe it's time to let go.

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