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This Has To End

A repeated dream from some time ago, maybe earlier this year.

It was a problem with a father-figure and a family. He was unloving and uncaring, and mostly seemed prone to kill me, and with those kind of eyes and looks that you just know there's no good behind them.

We lived in an apartment many stories high. There was a pool nearby. There I had seen my own brother (not actual) being either beaten or actually killed. He was like a puppet in his hands.

Mother was an almost nonexistent figure, only in mind and in shadows, not having much to do.

I was always pondering how could I do something to make him either stop or disappear, and ideas continued, pain continued and so I knew I just had to kill him.

One day I'm going towards the elevator, there are two, to go up to our apartment, coming back from school. There were a lot of people waiting, and then entering.

Then I had a feeling, when I pushed the button and stepped inside, I suddenly feel very aware of me and my surroundings and quickly step out, before it shuts the doors and goes up. I had a very bad feeling up my guts.

And I remembered, like a deja vu, I had dreamed this before, and I had done the same. But this time it only changed a bit; suddenly from the other elevator, the one at the right instead of the left, there are screams, coming from stories high and it was coming down fast, cables being cut loose. I was terrified, but more decided than ever that this had to end.

I think I had some knife or some things, and perhaps even tested them, one by one, but at the end, it was a knife through his back and heart that ended it all, and I felt a weight lifted... but still the disturbance was there... his face. Something remained. Perhaps only the memory of this dream, twice.

[this dream does not reflect my actual relationship with my family whatsoever]

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