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About my Addiction

01/02/12 - I'm riding my bike along a road with some other people and we approach a big hill. We ride up the hill and get separated. I meet up with my sister on our bikes and I ride along a path with her that is parallel to the interstate. She is riding to work, I think. She bikes to this place where she meets a policeman who gives her a ride to the small town where she works. I go with her. There's a bakery, and some other small businesses. A grungy looking guy is standing outside of one, smoking. Natalie goes off to work, I guess, and I'm left in the town.

There are these strange blue boxes on the ground in various places that resemble American Spirit cigarettes, except they're pretty large, like newspaper dispensers. I want to go up to one of them because they are so alluring, but I see them moving slowly along the ground. This really disturbs me and I realize somehow that this is a trap. If I approach one of them I will be caught and something bad will happen. I don't go up to the boxes, but I am caught anyway. I end up in a house with lots of strange hallways and elevator shafts. It's all very confusing and like a maze, and all I want is to get out. There are cats everywhere that are being held there and I want to help them get out, too.

I find the back door and I let several cats out into the night, then I sneak out as well. I'm in a field of tall grass. I see the cats bounding innocently off into the darkness toward some other houses. Then I see some shapes moving across the field near another house - it looks like wolves, then coyotes, then it looks like cougars. In the end it's a cougar but its tail has long fur on it and curls up, more like a dog. I have already walked out into the field a little bit and I realize how vulnerable I am. I start running through the tall grass back to the house, knowing that if they see me they will want to catch me. I turn around and throw my arms up in the air to make myself look big, then continue running into the house. I feel horrible about the cats that I let out, as they are so innocent and don't know how to protect themselves or even how to be stealthy. They're surely going to be cougar food.

This dream has a lot to do with my struggle with smoking. I've quit buying cigarettes, but still smoke when I can and I am still very addicted emotionally and mentally. I bum smokes from my sister a lot, too, which explains her presence in the dream. I'm not sure about the cougar yet. I've had recurring dreams about cougars and other large cats for years. Maybe it has to do with a belief that I can reach my aggressive animal nature through smoking?

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