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The Hierophant

02/05/12 - I'm downtown in a restaurant and I'm on the phone with my dad, who is asking me where M and I will be living in the near future. He wants to know because he's going to move out this way and wants to be close to us. Then I go to a bar and sit in a booth, where M meets up with me and we leave without buying anything - turns out he has a bottle of wine, which we drink as we walk along a dirt path by the water. We're headed to this park, called "Essex Park" (which is incidentally a real park in Portland that I didn't know about).

Suddenly M becomes my ex, D, and we see two tigers swimming in the water, diving under the waves and just being playful. We're a little scared and watch from behind a tree, but not too worried because they seem totally unaware of us standing on the shore. D accidentally drops my purse into the water, and I have to reach down to get it. I'm a little annoyed with him. We continue walking and come to a tree that has a large drawer attached to it with all of my jewelry in it, much of which I no longer wear. He pulls out my wooden weighted earrings and asks if he can have them. I say no, because I still wear them all the time. This is really annoying. Above the drawer is a shelf with a small basket containing my plant in it, and there is also a tarot card, "The Hierophant," which is moldy and has small white bugs called "book lice" on it. I realize this is the source of the book lice which have infested my room, and I'm excited because I might have a chance of getting rid of them now.

The dream shifts and I'm now in a big open field surrounded by golden rolling hills. My brother is talking to me about my relationship with M. He says that I'm now ready to be on my own for the first time, and that I've been unsatisfied from the very beginning. He's telling me to let it go and move on. I'm not sure I agree with him, and there's a real sadness in my heart at the thought of it.

Another shift, and I'm in a small room with my ex again, as well as 5 or so older men who seem very much like judges. They're all sitting in chairs and I'm standing facing D, who sits next to a silver laptop that belongs to M. He is also telling me that I should leave M, and giving me reasons for this. One is that he broke into M's computer and found some incriminating info (not sure what this was). The judges ask D if he felt it was OK to invade M's private space, and D says yes, of course. He doesn't feel bad at all. Again, I'm a little skeptical about D telling me I should leave M.

The dream shifts again, and now I'm at a table with M's mom and brother, and my mom and dad. My mom is talking a lot and it's getting on my nerves. I try to tell everyone about my dream about the tigers swimming (a dream within a dream), and my mom immediately jumps in and says she just had a dream about that too. She then stammers for a second and ends up talking about her cats that like swimming. I sort of roll my eyes at hearing another long-winded story about her cats. Then there are these letters that my dad has from my mom when they were much younger. I see her name on the envelope and I'm given the impression that there was a time when they were actually in love, and I wish I could have known them then.

In the last part of the dream, I'm in another big field, this one is green and has rows of low growing crops. I'm about to start working. This guy, Bradley, is out there working, too, and there is an older guy that is our boss. My job is to spray these plants with pesticides and then to water them. I'm wearing shorts and very open shoes, and I'm concerned that the pesticide will spray onto my legs and burn me. When I water the plants, I can't tell if I'm watering them too much or not enough. My boss watches me as I work and this makes me uneasy. I'm aware of my ex telling me earlier that if I were back together with him, he would do a better job of taking care of me (mainly feeding me healthy, organic food). I don't think I would get back together with him, but I agree he would be better than M at certain things, things that make me feel more secure and safe. But I point out that M is really much better at being sensitive, and I think about the way he touches me.

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