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Cold Steel Blade through the Heart...

This I believe, was my last incarnation.. and the first vision of my past life, as it had ended violently, where all I see is a man[known as Trent] who had asked me for a favor, to which I excitedly obliged.. so I am apparently picking up, as he comes running out of a building[that I realize may be a magical order I was becoming involved with then] and we jump into a car and drive away with his expressing feelings like 'haha I got away and we are going to get away with this..' and I remember listening to him describe the plans and feeling a excruciatingly shocked sharp feeling and deep, stabbing irritation in the pit of my gut at his arrogance and complete ignorance of the entire psychic realm.. and I realize he must have stolen something, mostly likely money, and felt bewildered at this decision.. and mine for being there, deciding that because I loved him I went along with what he asked initially and that everything must be ok somehow.. but I certainly knew better..

So as we drive down this road, I am processing what will happen knowing they would be coming after us, and I start to see something in the rear view mirror and can feel that they were getting closer.. then I start to see them in the rear view mirror getting bigger fast and realize consciously what is up.. I start punching the dash board, Im so pissed off at myself it hurts and I yell, "Fuck!! its them.. shit.. SHIT!!! its Over, just pull Over, Im Done.. Thats it!!' and he argues 'no we can get away.. what are you talking about?' etc.. and I say 'just pull over this is it for me, I fucked up!! its Over!!'.. so finally he pulls over and I am already opening my car door and the dust from the road swirling in and I tell him to go when he protests again so I scream for him to fucking leave and then I walk right up to the back of the other car where a man is opening the trunk.. eyes focused, he comes right up and puts his arm around me, gets his chest very near, and quickly brings out a knife to stab me 5 times in the heart and I can feel the cold slick blade sliding right into my chest.. I didnt feel much pain, but a very tight, cold sensation violently through my heart and a constricting of breath and was laid down into the trunk slowly and saw these dark piercing angry eyes.. I recall air trying to escape my throat, as he ushered me into the trunk.. I remember having a feeling of loneliness and wishing someone was there with me and then a contrasting feeling of guilt about that also.. I see him closing the trunk and feel my sight fading like my eye lids feel very heavy.. like the trunk hitting my hear but it was just me slipping away..

as I moved towards the portal I was motioned to halt as a loving mother-like but stern womans voice said that I could not move beyond that portal with a delusion about something present within and I at first thought it had to do with my guilt about the previously mentioned thoughts and she showed me that indeed was not even relevant[which only brought a second of relief], but that it had to do with the fact that I believed this man I was with Loved me as I Loved him but that he was just manipulating me and using me, possibly thinking my sentimentality was humorous, had many women and I was allowing him to use me while stripping my power, etc.. This was extremely painful for me as I was so devoted to this interaction I pathetically believed to be a real mutual love[as we had benevolent interactions since ancient Egypt] and as I accepted this I moved on into my next incarnation- this one, and with quite a vehemently poignant birth and the entire hospital could hear me as I was birthed through the time portal with vehemence characterizing my inherent imprint as I was to solidify and overcome while finding a balance and utilizing that energy for Divine Service as I have many times in the past stopping violence and/or abuse in others experiences..

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