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My experimentations with channeling began when I was 21. Since my childhood, I had perceived entities in my home, and when I moved to Victoria, I felt in it an otherworldly vibe. People told me that it was a city of historic and epic occult practices; a city where cults congregated and deep ritual work took place. My preacher father had forewarned me to watch out for "witches" and cultish recruiters. Haha.

One night, alone in my apartment and drunk on red wine, I decided to see if I could contact a spirit. I had been told a few years prior to that by a psychic that she sensed I'd be able to contact the other side easily, and although I had previous experiences with briefly glimpsing spirits, I'd never tried to talk to one before.

I said a prayer, lit a candle, and asked that I be surrounded with white light. I didn't sense a change immediately, but after a few minutes, was drawn to a pencil and my notebook and began furiously scribbling. The handwriting looked just like mine, but the words coming out were unlike anything I'd ever written. I was into poetry deeply at the time, but this was new stuff and contained words that I didn't recognize, much less make use of in my own speaking and writing. When I got up to look in the mirror, I was shocked. My eyes looked different, and it was almost as if my face had changed. I took some pictures of myself, freaked out and yet fascinated. Went to bed, and woke up the next day feeling like me again. When I read back the pages I'd written, I couldn't believe the level of the poetry that had come out. It was stream of consciousness stuff almost, a bit disconnected, sentence fragments and juicy little snippets, but I loved it. When I got the photos developed was when it really hit me. The person in the picture truly wasn't me. It was as if my bone structure had actually morphed... sharper jaw, higher and better defined cheekbones, and eyes that looked more brown than green. I hid the pictures in my hope chest, and never told anyone about my experience.

When I moved to Roberts Creek, I remember feeling a similar vibe in the "downtown" core of the town... restless spirits, a thin veil. I began trying to contact some of them in the summer of 2007, the summer that I got put into the psych ward. Go figure. It was becoming an addiction by that point. I was spending my evenings in a new friend's shop and instead of using my time to assist the burgeoning business, I was creepily channeling poetry and pages upon pages of strange ramblings from the other side. By the end of my experiments, I had no idea who I was. I had lost sight of the present, and could no longer name the year. I was hearing voices in my daily life, seeing things on another plane, and drinking tons of booze, as it was the only thing that seemed to ground me out enough to fall asleep.

I took a break from it for many years, trying to place my feet on this planet as much as possible. The pharmaceuticals I was taking flattened me and basically made me physically unable to reach the trance state that I was used to getting into in order to reach the other side. It was probably a good thing, now that I look back on it.

Anyways, this whole rambling intro is actually a lead in to what happened to me last night.

I was in a weird mood, and felt like doing something interesting. I also was coming out of one of the strangest days of my life, in which the synchronicities and incidences of things lining up were surreal to the point of being almost unbelieveable. Came home from singing my lungs out in the restaurant, and threw myself into an instant trance state while rhyming over some beats. It was really strange though. I suddenly had to get out of my desk and I began dancing. I felt like I was moving as if I'd never moved before. Also felt a really strong urge to move all the mirrors in the room I was in.

I was aware of feeling psychotic. As If I had no idea who I was. I also had the feeling that I was watching myself move, as if from above myself, but also as if from behind myself. Not sure if that makes any sense, but that's the only way I can describe what it felt like. I also strongly felt as if I was not alone in the room. I wasn't afraid though, just really sure of that fact that there was a spirit near me.

I visualized myself as surrounded by white light, and then visualized a violet flame pulsing at my crown chakra. I said out loud, "show yourself" to the spirit and immediately heard a frequency through one of my speakers, and then the flame on one of my candles rose super high. Right after that, I got a major case of the giggles, but was actually feeling a bit scared. Decided to ground out by working on some art, but as I was pulling my canvasses out, a book flew off of my shelf and landed, open, on the floor. I spazzed a bit at that point. Felt like maybe someone was playing tricks on me. Had a brief vision of having something rigged up on invisible wires to do a re-enactment.

Laughed my ass off as to which book it was too. My Bible. Go figure. Open to Ezekiel. Which just happened to be the clothing label of the new skirt I was wearing. Ezekiel 35.

Weirdness. I got a little freaked after that, and thanked the spirit for its message and then asked it to leave. The room felt really still after that. The candle flame was tamed. I prayed and danced for a few more hours.

I awoke this morning to a feeling that I can only describe as 'hollow'. I was raw all day. Emotions close to the surface. Felt out of my body and was walking into things. And exhausted, to the bone. Literally feeling tired in my marrow. I couldn't wake up despite my usual morning caffeine ingestion and exercise regiment, and spent the entire day including the poetry show I performed at in a bit of a haze. Also was feeling extremely hot today, as in fevered. Couldn't get my skin to cool down at all, and was agitated by the way my clothes were rubbing on me.

One of my co-workers told me that I looked "wild" and about to fly off the handle.

She said that I need to make some friends who are alive.

I agree.

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