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'RIP - DI' Goldfish and God (fuckups anon.)

Eye took their air from them.

For months eye have had dreams upon dreams ridden with anxiety about keeping the goldfish eye have recently acquired with my father alive and well. They have experienced many ups and downs due to chlorine spikes in tap water, less than enough space to swim, overcrowding (due to my dad and eye wanting more fish because we love watching them swim and not investing in a bigger tank) and overall inexperience on both of our parts.

Eye have posted many dreams about these fish (feel free to browse my catalog on dreamcatcher.net) including psychic communications, caretaking and general worry but regardless, eye have not once had a good dream about these little guys and gals. Perhaps eye felt eye was not ready to care for them adequately due to my extensive travels and spotty presence here in the 'Fish Tank' (My fathers apartment) or perhaps eye leaned too much on them to maintain my much yearned for a solid 3D sense of caretaking.

Regardless, this morning eye awoke after last night drinking a good amount of beers and REmembered that during the love fest, eye had unplugged their filter momentarily to show my father archive footage of he and eye last year on my macbook. We shared a wonderful time talking about days of old and the value of old archive footage in this generation. It was beautiful.

We talked, my father and eye, over the last week or so of getting rid of them, throwing them in a creek, a random pond or the local reservoir. Trying to find a new home for them, somewhere where they would be better cared for, appreciated and hopefully happy as fish go. We knew that we had to get rid of them before we killed them.

And the wind blew.

There were 9 fish in the tank last night. Today there are four.

They suffocated in their own home without their aeroator and filter overnight.

The dreams in which eye have referred to these pets have been extensive. They will forever remain there now, having departed from 3D. Eye would never have thought that they would have died so quickly without this filter but their water was a constant struggle and in the end, they lost to it. We all did.

This is not a self loathing entry.

Eye simply feel and know that we were and are beautiful reflections of eachother. Fish.

But god damn if eye don't feel bad.

Ruminating on the bible eye look at the book of Genesis.

God created everything. When it didn't work he burned it to the ground. Blamed us. Burned it some more, 'some forever not for better' and put his hands up.

When eye look at what my father and eye created, the aquarium, the environment, the life for these blessed creatures, eye take refuge in only knowing that we knew full well that these were sinless, blameless beautiful creatures and that we wish(ed) them only love and light, despite our own ignorance, captive insensitivity and care. Eye find them totally blameless, beautiful and one with us, in this life and the others.

Eye struggle now with what to do with their beautiful bodies, their spirits now rocking the cosmos. My habits before now border on the insane. Most would flush or bury the little buggers but eye want now more than ever to learn the arts of urethane jewelry making in order to embody them in jewels, pendants, paperweights etc. in order to capture their essence for all time.

RIP DI

Rest in Peace
Dream Infinity

-Bulldog
-Goldie
-Goldeneye
-Lil Goldie
-Marie

My tears and contorted face can never tell you all how sorry eye am. But eye am you. And we all die in pieces.

Eye called my father at work during this entry weeping. Felt like a pussy but Dads satellite voice resounds now over me. He calms me. "Better to live and die with us than in a pet store somewhere. Trust me I've fried some fish in my time to.o Don't take it so hard, son."

This song brought me comfort as eye blessed them under the sun, eyes first, bodies last.

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