over 8 years ago
Consoling an Emasculated Friend and Being Pursued by Swarming Hordes...

Long Dream. I was at a summer festival. My mom was there, as well as a whole lot of friends. It was actually really large. There were a whole mess of R.V.'s in addition to the tents that people were staying in. My mom was in a tent and I was sleeping with Dan on a mattress in the back of a flatbed. I was warm and comfortable. I wondered how she was doing. It was really cold out.
I had been trying to get to sleep but then people were stirring and it was morning and I saw Julian open a little plywood shack that was the breakfast hut and I was ready to be awake too. I was starving and breakfast smelled good.
For whatever reason, by the time I got over there, there wasn't any food left and I was pretty disappointed, but then I saw Andrew S. and got distracted. But it was weird, cause it wasn't Andrew, it only looked like him. Whoever this was had the top of his head shaved, like a monk. He looked a little ridiculous, but he was an eccentric artist, so what could I say? He was sitting next to Dan Capwell, an old friend of mine from high school. I didn't want to say anything at first, and played it off. I just lounged by the fire to warm up. My mom was awake then too and we talked about how she slept.
Finally, I asked the Andrew look-alike if I could borrow his game of Connect 4 that he'd brought with him and I'd seen others playing before. It was then that Dan C. noticed me and I exuberantly gave him a big hug. I sat for a minute and talked with him. He asked how I was and I said I was wonderful. I told him how my life had gelled and everything I ever wanted was here and now and adulthood was really enjoyable (I haven't seen this guy since I was 18). We shot the shit, but it got awkward because I was a little too excited and he wasn't so happy about his life, so the conversation ended.
Andrew's look-alike had wandered off and I went in search of him so I could play Connect 4. I found him sitting near the fire. This time he looked more like Andrew S. and he was really cute and naked. As I walked up, he stood up and was hurriedly trying to hide his genitals, as if really embarrassed. I stole a glance and saw only a small mound of darkness, but no penis. I didn't make a big deal out of it. Instead, I looked him in the eye and asked again about the game.
He quickly got dressed and gave me the game. Mom and I sat at a picnic table and played for a while. Then Andrew came back and wanted to tell me that the game was almost broken, so we had to be careful. I hadn't noticed it before, but when he said it, I did notice how weak the plastic was. I tried to make it sturdier, but in doing so, broke it. Little pieces of red and black plastic went flying. I felt like an ass.
I ran and started picking them up and then realized it was futile. I assured him I'm get him another one. There was a little gas station store on the property and I walked with him to see if they had a copy of the game. On the way, he apologized about me seeing him naked. I told him it was no big deal.
Then we were in a truck, driving to find a store that would carry the game, I guess. On the way, we talked about his depression and life etc... He'd been born with a "primordial mound" but no penis. It was the great tragedy of his life. I talked about other people I'd known who were the same or had ambiguous genitalia. It seemed to make him feel a little better. It cheered him up a bit and he was even a little flirtatious. Without words, I understood that he had a little crush on me and I on him, but he'd been avoiding me because of his situation.
I thought to myself that I could justify being in a 1st base-only relationship with him, because it wouldn't violate the boundaries of my primary relationship. (Funny to think now that the symbol for that was an emasculated man). We drove for a long time and soon were at the ocean. We wandered to find a ferry. He was off and on a woman who was an old customer from Monster. She kept handing me small joints to puff on while we were walking. Apparently we were in Canada and it was okay to smoke in public.
He wanted to go to Nanaimo, and was checking the ferry schedule. I knew that there was no way we'd make it there and back in a day. I told him that we should probably head back cause I didn't tell Dan where I was going and we still had like a 5 hour drive to get home from here.
He agreed and we decided just to head home. I liked the look in his eyes when I said, I guess we have a few more hours to get to know one another on the ride back.
Then he was her again and handing me another joint. It was crowded so I took a puff and headed to a window and blew the smoke out, over the water. A security guard came up and snatched the joint out of Andrew's hand and stepped on it. It made a plastic-cracking sound and we wandered on. He was bummed because it had a special reusable filter in it that was destroyed now.
He went to get the car and I was standing in a group of people at the sidewalk's edge. One of the people - a guy with a soft face in pretty make-up - turned to me and spouted poetry that made my heart sing. I nearly cried. When he was done, I was almost speechless, but was able to tell him that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. I was really moved. Then he started laughing. They all started laughing. He told me that it was just some quote he read somewhere and he didn't really mean it. People in the crowd started pouring beer on me and throwing things at me. I walked away but they followed. I was telling them to fuck off, but they kept pursuing me, heckling and throwing things. There were a couple people who were trying to shove butter in my face.
I lost my shit. I grabbed a girl and pulled her to my face. I've never been very strong with words, but I got in her face in the most threatening way I could and told her that it was in her best interest to leave me alone because I just got out of jail for stabbing someone and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I tried to scare her, but my threats didn't work and if anything, it made the crowd stronger because now they wanted to get back at me for getting in her face.
I was running away and as I approached another group of people, one of them turned around and tried to put butter in my face. I had a pen in my hand and quickly stabbed her in the jugular. It was a perfect hit. This kept the crowd at bay for a moment, while they checked to see if she was okay. She had a gaping hole in her neck, but no blood. I told them to keep her head above her heart, she'd be okay. Then they were even more furious and there were more of them and they started coming after me again. I started running, but I ran right into the arms of a police officer, who had seen me stab the girl.
I knew it would be futile to explain. I was going to jail and there was nothing I could do. He saw me stab her and no amount of explaining could forgive me of the crime. I collapsed in his arms, floods of tears pouring forth. He softened a little. "What's wrong?" I told him that the crowd was after me for no reason and I just wanted them to stop chasing me. He dragged me to the curb and the crowd followed. He ordered them back but they kept coming, like wolves. Finally, he took his automatic weapon and just mowed across their legs, rendering them incapacitated. I was so thankful. But he hadn't hit all of them. Some of them ran away and he followed, leaving me alone and vulnerable once more.
Dan showed up just then, as Andrew. He asked if I was okay and I started screaming for him to get the gun in the car. He was confused and didn't know of any gun, but ran away to look for it anyway.
This is when Dan woke me up and saved me from the swarming hordes.

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