Vaguely remember being at a presentation at the Metaphysical Library. It was a late-night movie and there were a lot of people there, most of them cozied up in sleeping bags, watching the film. I was in the back of the room, searching for something to eat. There was a table of pot-luck style food that was well picked over. I felt depressed. I was sad, lonely, scared, and feeling emotionally raw. I don't know why. I think I was searching for food that would make me feel better; offer some comfort. I crossed paths with Jacob and perhaps he could see the sadness in my face. He took me into a warm and enveloping hug that felt like being back in the womb. It was the safest place in the world and I wanted to stay there indefinitely.
Highly disturbing, not sure where it came from. Dreamed of an old neighbor from childhood. Older man, always sort of creeped me out. In the dream, I and another neighbor, childhood friend Meg, had been at the man's house for a presentation. During the speech, he went into grand detail about how himself and a few associates had, for many years, lured young boys into their lair and molested, raped, and threatened them into silence. The details that he shared played out in my imagination as if I was there to witness the actions. It was horrifying. I don't know why he was telling us these things now, but he implored us to tell no one, citing that it would be ruinous to him.
The weight of this knowledge pushed me into an intense depression. I went into my own kitchen and started making food. I was consuming and consuming, to no end, perhaps trying to squeeze out this knew knowledge.
Mom came home and I felt as if I were walking on eggshells. We small talked, painfully, until I observed the neighbor and his associates walking outside with two young and beautiful boys. I didn't want to believe my eyes, but as I watched, the younger of the boys awkwardly adjusted his underpants and I knew something wasn't right.
Unable to hold my tongue, knowing that the information I held could be ruinous to the old man, I spilled what I knew. I started with a hypothetical to my mom. "Mom... what if someone knows something that they're not supposed to share; that could be ruinous to a person's life, but that unshared is ruinous to many more lives." She was supportive that I do what I felt was right. I told her that I had recently become privy to some disturbing knowledge about abuse of young boys. She was listening intently. I told her who and how and what. She was mortified. She didn't want to doubt me, but didn't want to believe it either. Out the window, we could see the boys stumbling around in the neighbor's yard. Her heart broke. She tried to imagine ways that we could right the situation with as little embarrassment to the man's family as possible. I joked that at least he hadn't been into little girls (as a child, if he saw me playing outside, he would invite me in and take me to a giant drawer of candy that he had in his dining room and let me pick out what I wanted).I felt so awful, I went outside to try and blow off some steam by jumping with a large walking stick that I would plant in the ground and use as extra boost to launch myself 10 feet in the air. Eventually I tired of the activity and returned inside.
We sat down to watch an animated movie that for some reason appeared to be the same theme - a large globby monster was devouring young boys from the ass up - sort of Yellow Submarine in artistic style. Before we could really get into the movie, mom went to the door and opened it slowly. I think we were afraid that the old man was on our porch. She opened it to reveal two of our other neighbor's, Meg's mom and someone else. It startled mom that they were standing there, but we invited them in and all had a good laugh about it. Mom and I decided we needed to tell the other neighbors about what we'd learned, so they could help us decide the plan of action.
I went in the kitchen to make tea and busied myself with finding an appropriate plate to place snacks on. The cupboards were filled with all sorts of sweets and yummy treats. I was beside myself, trying to keep from eating them as I laid them out in neat fashion. In the living room, I could hear mom start the preamble for the news that she was going to share.