A dream filled with symbolism, lost like sand through the cracks as I come to wakefulness. I remember a running theme, however. Throughout the dream, I am in constant pursuit of male attention. Not in an overtly sexual way, but definitely angling for attention. The only single incident I remember is right towards the end.
I'm sitting on a sort of grey cushioned bench that wraps the entire perimeter of the outside space that I'm in. There are many people meandering around the space, so seating is limited and coveted. I'm really tired, desperate to find sleep. Two men sit down next to me. The one sharing my elbow room is older, with dark hair and lots of tattoos. He's a broad man, with big arms and a large torso. I feel like a little girl next to him. It feels like the energy I've been seeking through the entire dream - I want a man to hold me like a father would hold his daughter. I want to be enveloped in strong, safe arms.
I don't ask this of him directly, but I am flirting to get his attention. I flirt the way a young girl would. I "accidentally" brush up against him and even put a hand on his arm. He isn't bothered by the attention or the proximity. He does seem a little confused, like he's uncertain. When his friend who's next to him leaves, along with several other people, the bench is suddenly wide open and clear. In an ordinary situation of awkward proximity with a stranger, one might be inclined to move over or spread out. But he stays seated next to me, as if he's enjoying my attentions.
I continue to touch him. It's a gentle, caring sort of touch. When we're looking at one another, I ask him (with my mind, not my words) if he would want to lie down with me. I feel his answer is yes, but it's lost in the rapid transition back to wakefulness.
So I'm curious about the patterns I see happening in my dreams, now that I've been journalling on a more steady routine. I'm noticing that nearly every night I have at least one reference to food, or being hungry, men, and finding a good place to sleep.
The food I interpret as the fact that I'm always ravenously hungry when I wake up. I try not to eat too late at night, so I think I'm interpreting these feelings of hunger into my dream, where I'm often seeking food, or in queue for a cafeteria. Often times, I seek out the foods that I can't or don't eat in waking life. Though the gathering of the food is often exciting, I rarely experience being able to enjoy eating it. Either something comes up and the dream changes, or I set it down and it's lost to the ether.
Men have always been a huge theme in my dreams. Quite often my father appears in my dreams. Rarely do we interact. It's as if he's merely a presence - like a projection from my subconscious. He often appears in tandem with other men who I interact with in different ways. I interpret this as a sort of subconscious meter for the merit of the men. It's as if my father is the control and I'm testing the other men against him - seeing how they measure up to the ultimate male archetype in my subconscious mythos. I'm often seeking the attention of men. Rarely do my dreams turn sexual, but there does seem to be an underlying drive towards acceptance and love from the men in my dreams. Again, I think this can be directly attributed to my relationship with my father.
Finding a place to sleep is curious. It's a theme I've only recently observed. It's typically right around the time that I wake up, that I'll be seeking a place to lie down and sleep in my dream. I'll either be trying to find a spot that is dry or clean, or comfortable, or safe. I'm not sure what this could represent. I know that I've been feeling exhausted lately - like sleep is the one thing that remains eternally illusive. I can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with a theory that someone related once. The idea is that we fall asleep in the waking world and enter the dream world, so is it possible that our dream-selves ready themselves for sleep when we acknowledge that we're soon to be waking up? It would explain why I only seem to have these sleep dreams when I'm coming into wakefulness slowly and naturally. I don't have them when I'm woken hastily.