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Surrendering to Death...

Just woke from a dream of the most profound sort. Seems important to catalog. Lately I've been going through a great change; Saturn's return. And I'm experiencing modes of thought and inner powers that are new to me; at the same time scary and exciting.
In the dream, we were having a large gathering of family and friends at my mom's house (childhood house). It was Easter. I remember Grandma & Grandpa, Mom & Dad, John E's sister (who had eaten mushrooms and was awesomely tripping) and maybe mom's sister, Barbara. And lots of other folks I don't know. We were very close to sitting down and eating when I followed John E's sister outside to keep an eye on her.
The front lawn was suddenly dramatically sloped sandy beach. Sister was laying on the sand, just past some towels and beach stuff of some people who were hanging out. Beyond the slope I saw a ship. It was enormous! It was a coast guard/police boat, coming through the canal. It was creating waves that were massive, but when I saw them coming, I didn't realize their destructive potential. Then they came crashing over the sandy embankment and swallowed up sister and all the people's stuff. Sister was flailing but seemingly okay. The people's stuff was getting washed away and they were screaming for me to grab it as the water rapidly retreated. I started chasing a petty piece of garbage - a gold foil candy wrapper and suddenly I looked up to see that the water had retreated so far out that the massive coast guard vessel was now stranded, its giant wall of a keel providing poor balance for the enormity of the ship. Right away I saw that the ship was falling towards me. I didn't even need to think before I realized that I couldn't run to save my life. Like lightning, the revelation ripped through my brain that this was it - I was going to die.
In the shadow of the collapsing ship, I calmly lay down on the sand, surrendering, accepting that this was my last moment. In that moment, I wondered if it was going to hurt. It didn't.
In this darkness, I felt nothing but I couldn't breathe well. I suddenly realized that I could wriggle along the side of the ship, clamoring for air, pulling myself past a porthole. Then the water returned, the ship righted itself and I was caught in a ferocious and angry sea. I saw one of the coast guard/police reaching out and I realized that there were several of us stranded in the water. I caught his hand and was flung to the side of the ship where I navigated guide-wires and footholds in order to pull myself on-board. Others were arriving too, including sister.
The ship was cruising extremely fast. I was concerned because I knew that I'd left the dinner behind and I still wanted to catch it. But the ship was cruising and I could do nothing to slow it. As I wandered around, I realized that I didn't recognize anyone. Not even any of the refugees. I went to the control deck and watched sonar readings of the multitudes of sea animals all around us. I heard whale song and saw dolphins dancing around the boat but it was all a false image on the sonar screen and it was dead of night outside - couldn't see at all.
Finally the ship arrived at a port and let us off and told us that our families had been called. We were in Connecticut, in a ghost town of a fishing village. People were sitting around playing cards and smoking cigarettes. I really wanted a cigarette - was fiending - but no one had any rolling tobacco, everyone smoked Merits and I refused. At last I saw a pouch and asked the girls if I could have one. She said no and it was my last straw. I flipped out and started screaming and crying. I went out on the jetty and rolled around in misery. Suddenly off in the distance, I saw people coming towards us. People were recognizing them and re-uniting with their families and friends. Then I saw a woman dressed in a beautiful sea-foam garb with angel-white hair. "Mom!" I screamed, over and over again. I dramatically jumped from the jetty only land, running full force toward her. As I got closer, I realized it wasn't her. She walked past me and I stood there, disappointed and confused. Then I realized I was standing along in a darkening forest.

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