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Shunned for Trying to Discipline...

We were at home. It was late at night. Keira had a friend - Annalise - over. Dan had put them to bed in our room several hours ago. I wasn't sure why he put them in our room and now that it was 2am, I wanted to go to bed and so was realizing I would be sleeping on the couch or the floor.
Then the girls were awake. Annalise went to the bathroom and Keira came out in the living room. She was acting a little strange, but I figured it was because she was groggy from sleep. She sat on the floor, in the corner between the couch and the door jamb, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head resting on her hand. She had a vacant look in her eyes, as she stared blankly across the room. I asked her if she was okay and she barely responded. She didn't seem not okay, just not really there.
Dan went to check on Annalise, who was out of the bathroom and in Keira's room. I saw him come out of the bathroom, go into Keira's room, and then I saw Annalise go back to the bathroom with a couple of my panty-liner pads in her hand. It dawned on me that maybe she had just started her very first period. Dan was graceful in helping her and after I made sure Keira was okay, I went into our bedroom. The bed was a mess - sheets and blankets tangled and strewn. There were blood stains on everything - the pillows, the comforter, the sheets, the blankets. She had apparently attempted to clean it as well, because the bed was soaked with water and the blood had dispersed, but was still very there.
I was shocked, but didn't want to make a scene, since a girl's first period can be a really scary thing. When she came back in the bedroom, I sat down next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Please let me know if there's anything that I can help you with, okay?" She seemed appreciative enough, but didn't really say anything.
Then I heard Dan and Keira arguing in the bathroom and I went in to see what was going on. The pieces of the puzzle were laid out in front of me, but I didn't even see them until Keira pointed them out by saying, "Smoke that good herb!" I looked on the counter and saw the amber ashtray with half a joint extinguished in it. She was giggly and relaxed and I realized that the girls had found this in our room and had gone up on the roof and smoked it.
An interesting scene ensued. At first I was livid but Dan didn't seem too mad. It seemed that he was almost relieved that he didn't need to hide it from her any more. He was smiling and asking her about it. He asked how much they'd smoked and how they felt. Keira admitted that she threw up on the roof at first, but felt a lot better now. I realized that was the weirdness I was sensing in her. Dan almost thought it was funny. I was far from amused. It was now 3am and Keira said she was hungry (munchies). She went in the kitchen and just started chowing down on anything and everything she could get her hands on.
I went back into our bedroom to try and clean up the bed. As I pulled back the covers, I was disturbed to find a used condom. It was bloody and had a milky fluid in it. I felt so disgusting. Our bed was ruined and I would never feel clean sleeping in it again. I went to find Dan. He was in the kitchen, still talking with Keira about her experience. She was eating butter by the spoonful from a large bowl. I was horrified. I walked up and snatched the spoon and bowl away and yelled at Dan. "Just because you think it's cute, doesn't mean you don't have a responsibility to keep her safe. Just because she smoked for the first time doesn't mean you can let her do this to herself. This isn't healthy and you're only reinforcing bad behaviors!" Keira was insolent and told me to take a chill pill. Dan was the same way. But I stood my ground. "Absolutely not!" I yelled. "It is your job as a father to discipline your daughter. She snuck into your altar and took out a substance that she's not supposed to know about for several more years! It's not cute, it's dangerous. There have got to be consequences!" But no matter what I said, both Dan and Keira called me out for being too serious about the whole thing and I felt like my words had no effect.
I went outside to blow off some steam. I wanted to grab a jacket, but my clothing was a quarter mile up a steep forest road, in Dan's car. It was dark and windy and cold and I'm too damn scared of the dark. I texted Justin to find out if he was nearby and could give me a ride. He texted right back that he was and would be happy to do so. Then I got a pang of guilt, that told me I shouldn't call on him to help me when things were going rough with Dan. I didn't want our friendship to turn into anything else. So I denied his help and looked at my other options. It was 3:30, which meant that I could call mom, but it would be 6am her time and I wasn't sure if she got up that early. I decided to wait, so I went outside and climbed up to the roof.
The ashtray was sitting up here again and I found the spot where Keira puked. I resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to be getting any sleep this night and tried to calm myself down.
In a short amount of time, the sun began to come up and I went down to the back yard. There was a storm that picked up suddenly and brought torrents of fluffy, wet snow wads. The girls came out and started running around excitedly. As well, Dan came out. They were having fun, despite my poor mood and I felt like I was being betrayed by Dan. Not only did he refuse to back me up in disciplining Keira about her actions, I found out that he had then smoked her out with a bong to find out what she thought about it. The downstairs neighbor came up and was enjoying the strange weather as well. I debated telling her about the whole debacle, but knew it was ultimately none of her business and knew better than to involve a close stranger like that. It was finally a good time to call mom, so I did. In the dream world, calling her meant going to her house which was next door. I showed up and she was involved in a meeting that was part business, part aerobics workout. She was having fun and didn't want to be bothered. I pleaded with her that it was really important but she was far beyond caring.
I was beginning to realize that the condom meant one of two things - that Annalise had used it to try and stop herself from bleeding, or that the girls had somehow had sex. This was highly disturbing to me and I was desperate for someone to hear me out and also back me up that disciplinary actions needed to be taken immediately to prevent these behaviors from being treated lightly and becoming habitual. (I think one of my greatest fears is that Keira will do as her mom and her mom's mom did, and have a baby when she's too young. If that were to happen, I'm not sure if I could handle being in a close relationship with Dan. I have such little tolerance for irresponsible behaviors, that could have been avoided with just an ounce of prevention.)
I didn't know what to do. I felt alone in the world and I was exhausted from trying to find someone to listen to me. I was trying to find the car that had my clothes in it. It sent me on a wild goose-chase, literally running along trails in the woods. Every milepost had a race that was starting at it, and I was surrounded by people on the various trails. But all of them were busy and none could stop and talk with me, or answer my questions. Eventually, I came under a large spanning bridge - similar to the Aurora bridge, but not as large. I climbed up under the scaffolds and found mom again, this time involved in another business meeting that was also a three-legged race. I tried to get her attention again but she was busy and didn't have time for me.

In terms of where this is all coming from, Dan and I had a talk last night, regarding some of the frustrations we've been feeling in the relationship. I know that all the Keira business is referencing my frustrations of not feeling backed up as a disciplinarian. My mom being unavailable is because she lives so far away and I feel like every time I call her, asking for her support or advice, she's either too busy, or she's also going through some shit and just wants to talk about herself.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm desperate to talk with someone outside of my personal circle. I need a counselor, but I am dead broke and my medical benefits through the state are no longer valid (even though I don't think that would have covered counseling anyway). I just need to pass my ideas by someone and know if I'm crazy and making a big deal out of nothing, or if I truly am valid in my feelings.
I've been stable all winter - which is usually the hardest time for me, mentally/emotionally - but now that the spring is nearing, I feel like I'm coming unglued.

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