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My Relationship to Men of all Ages?...

I dream about my dad every once in a while. When I do, he's typically a shadow figure - meaning that he seems less present than other characters, but effects me the same, emotionally. He usually stands behind me and I can feel him more than see him. And he often accompanies the presence of other males in the dream, as if he's part of my conscience, when I'm debating my relationship to men. (Curious metaphor. - Not at all surprising to me.)
Last night he appeared in my dream as I was making my way through a party, looking for some friends. It was late and the party had wound down. I was cold and tired and couldn't find anyone I knew. I didn't want to be alone so I sat down next to a guy with dreads, who had just been revealed to me as Holly and Tom's house-sitter, via voice-message. We chatted and I suppose I flirted, but I tried not to be obvious with it, because I know where flirting can get you and I wasn't looking for someone to fall for me.
Then my dad was there and talking with me and for whatever reason, his presence made me want to be closer to this guy, so I threw my arms around him and sat in his lap, playfully. I think in the dream I was testing boundaries, seeing how my dad would react if I expressed interest in a guy with dreads and clearly alternative opinions. Surprisingly, Dad didn't care. He didn't offer any grievance at all and instead, invited me to give him a hug before he took off.
I got up and we were suddenly in the living-room of my childhood home. I threw my arms around dad's neck and we embraced more securely than we ever have in waking life. Usually, hugs with him are a shoulder embrace with arms, sometimes a peck on the cheek if he's feeling especially caring. This hug was different. This time, we hugged with our whole bodies and took turns leaning on one another. In the dream, I thought in my own mind that it was a breakthrough, but instead of recoiling from fear, I gave in and allowed the connection. We took turns leaning back and forth, alternately leaning our full weight on one another. It is an exercise that I've done in waking life before, but never with Dad. Surprisingly, the intimacy of the exchange was totally comfortable and I felt pleased that we had come to such a point of trust and ability to show our caring for one another.
Then I was back down with the guy with dreads and my crush from high school - Pearson - was there too. He was young again, 13 and short. They were lighting up a joint and I gave a quick look-around. When I looked behind me, I thought I saw a police officer or car and instinctively dove out of sight. Unfortunately, we were standing on some steep stairs and diving out of sight means that I toppled the dreaded guy and Pearson and whoever else was standing there with us, landing on them at the bottom of the stairs. I was completely embarrassed and though no one directly chided me, I could tell they were annoyed and I was now very uncool.
Pearson let me follow him up the hill to his home. His mom and grandfather were there, eating at the dinner table. We were invited to join and I agreed. The table was of unimaginable square footage and was set up on the uneven surface of the back yard lawn. We struggled to find comfortable seats that were out of the direct sunlight. I felt bad because I kept scooting closer to Pearson, but I didn't want him to think it was because I was coming onto him. (Awkward, since he was 13 in the dream, but I was still my adult age.)
Finally, he went to the other side of the table and instead of eating dinner, asked his mom if she would mind if he smoked a joint. She said it was fine and then he pulled out this mammoth of a doobie - rolled in treebark? The whole thing was massive and totally falling apart, but somehow he got it lit and handed it to me after puffing it a few times. I was skeptical, but hit it anyway and actually got a good puff off it. Then I asked if grandpa wanted to hit it. He was a frail old man, not saying much, not really eating his food. When I handed it to him, it was normal sized and he tried to grab it but it fell on the table. He commented that he hadn't smoked this stuff since the early days of his youth. He did wind up taking a hit and then Pearson left with some girls his age.
I remained at the table, smoking for a while and then scouting some dinner that was offered by Pearson's mom. After dinner, everyone sat in contemplative silence. Finally, it was just me and grandpa at the table. He was babbling incoherently about his younger days and for whatever reason, I was then touching his inner thigh, sensually caressing him in a way he hadn't known in many years. He was clearly enjoying it, but it seemed that the more I touched him and the more aroused he became, the more it brought back intense memories of a completely non-sexual nature. As I touched him, I was actually sitting in another room entirely. I could feel my hand on his penis, but I was no where near him. As he remembered things, they played out like a movie in front of me. He was young and working on a farm and hog-tying cattle and animals and dragging them on the ground in a playful manner, preparing them for slaughter. Somehow, this aroused me and in the dream I felt my body approaching an unaided climax.
Then my alarm went off and washed all that strange subconscious mishmash down the eternal drain. Don't know what to make of it all just yet.
Oh and I just got a flash of a memory from somewhere deep in the dream where I made a crack about Jim Carrey, only to find that the person I'd make the comment to was Jim Carrey. I do this a lot in dreams - insult celebrities by accident, to their faces.

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