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Guilty about Gory Kitties...

Disturbing images. Every once in a while, I'll be coming back to consciousness from a dream. It's usually very early in the morning 3-5 am. Boudika likes to wake me up to be fed or let out. She jumps up on the bed and meows. More often than not, this typically manifests as an image in my mind, right before I awake. She's sitting in front of me and I'm trying to focus on her. As she turns and comes into focus, I see that she's injured. It's a little different each time. Last night was the worst. As I began to see her face, I could see that her eye was bloodied and crushed in its socket. Panic overtook me as I looked closer and saw that her entire orbital was caved in and gory. I was about to let out a scream of pained terror, then I woke up to find her sitting on the bed, in the dark, happy and healthy and just a little hungry.

I had one a couple of nights ago where Bisou had injured her paw and her leg was just a bloody stump with the bone sticking out about halfway down. I was mortified and tried desperately to catch her so I could try and take care of her, but she only wanted to run away. Her running was painful for her, and so in my efforts to help her, I felt that I was really hurting her more.

Why do I have these awful dreams? Bisou was an actual dream but the visions of Boudika are always very brief and very gory. For an instant, I get a pang of guilt, as if it was my fault that she was injured and now I'm going to have to put her down to alleviate her pain because I can't afford to her her help at a vet.

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