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The Silent Flying of Pre-Dawn Birds...

We arrived at my Grandparents' property. It was much larger - a fantastic estate. It wasn't in Southern Washington either, or if it was, S. WA had an energy and vitality vastly different than I've ever known. It was radiant, warm. The property faced Southwest, instead of Northeast, so the light was different and the trees weren't so gloomy.
This was to be my new home. I didn't know what was in store for my future, but I knew that I would be living and working here. I would be building a tattoo shop here and offering tattoos as one of the many entertainments at this resort. As we came up the drive and curved around the house, I was delighted at every turn. Along the back of the house was several rows of cold slot machines. They weren't hooked up yet and many were still wrapped in paper. At first I was angered, but then decided not to be angry and instead, laugh it off. I started swearing and laughing, explaining to the driver of the car that this place would be the death of me. Before, I was able to control my gambling because the casinos were all very far away. This time, it would literally be in my back yard.
We pulled up and I got out of the car and then began a cascade of auspicious meetings. As I grabbed my things and wandered toward the house, the true scope of the situation dawned on me. People came out of everywhere. Many were already there, enjoying the facilities - a swimming pool, acreage, kitchen, palatial home, etc...
I soon realized that the entire place was filled with every person I have ever felt love or respect for, as well as all of my family members. I don't feel close with my family at all, but here, they were all young and beautiful and filled with love for me. Throughout the dream, more and more of my family arrived and each carload brought a new round of cheering and excitement and hugs all around. Everyone in the dream was young and beautiful and filled with radiant love, and there was no shame in showing our happiness to see one another and share a hug. It was brilliant!
I comfortably reclined on a bed and my high school friend Alicia approached me. Her eyes were more green than I've ever seen. She had them shadowed in green as well and she was radiant in her woman's body and porcelain blond hair. She joined me on the bed and I asked her about Hawaii. I don't remember her answer, but that wasn't the point. The point was that after all these years, I remembered where she was living and it made her feel good. Before long, a cute boy appeared and grabbed something out of his jacket in the hall. It was a pill and he opened it up and was about to dump it in his mouth. He paused and asked if I wanted some. I considered if I really needed it in such a wonderful place. I pondered talking with family and beautiful friends through a filter of E and decided it wouldn't be necessary, although throughout the rest of the dream, there was a sense that we were all on something together - the feeling of unity was brilliant.
Throughout the rest of the dream, adventures ensued, games were played (namely hide-and-seek) and even a crazy rainstorm came through and someone ran outside with me to make sure no one needed help getting back to cover.
The area where I was to be setting up my shop was bright and open and gorgeous. It was perfect and I spent a lot of time hanging out in there, dreaming of how it would look. It was tall and surrounded by glass windows up to the ceiling. Justin and Dan were there with me, participating in the dreaming. The floor was also so smooth that in my socks, I could glide and dance like the most elegant ice skater. It was effortless and everyone who saw celebrated my abilities.
Throughout the dream, new faces were popping out all the time. There were always new people to hug and greet and feel joyous to see. Only a few stand out now, in the haze of what remains of the dream. I saw my cousin - Bryce, standing against a wall. When he hugged me, it felt like coming home. I wanted to apologize for never staying in touch with him but his smile told me there was nothing to apologize for. I was completely forgiven. His hug was huge and filled with a love I've never felt from family. Fritz was in the dream and he had a genuine smile of forgiveness and love that he showered upon me with unending enthusiasm. Again we didn't exchange words, but I knew in his eyes that he loved me. Several random Chai House people were there and I admired them all equally. People were playing music and creating art and playing lighthearted games. It was truly paradise!
I had a moment of reflection when I looked around and saw all these beautiful people and most of them were dressed super silly and not at all conventional but they were perfect in their uniqueness. I looked at a thin and distorted reflection of myself in a sliding glass door and noted my dorky striped pants and unflattering wool jacket. But I was equal with these beautiful people! I was dorky too and these people were my clan. And they were all family, so it didn't matter what I looked like, they loved me for all that I was and all that I was not.
The gathering went on into the wee hours of the morning and before the sun returned, we decided that it would be good for us all to go out and get food together. I was one of the last ones out the door, being cautious to make sure I had everything I needed. Fritz was leading me out into the back yard (incidentally, I think it was Molly's old back yard - my first step-family.) Over the back fence, I saw some neighbors coming outside as we were filling the back yard. At first they were judgmental, then they became jealous.
Outside, the sky was just beginning to lighten, and the fruit trees were swarming with flocking birds. Everyone stopped and watched in silence as crows, jays and other small black birds fluttered furiously in the naked limbs. It was a phenomenon that none of us had ever witnessed before. The birds, all in flight, were completely silent. It was beautiful and strange and miraculous and enough to inspire tears from some.
Here we all were, disparate people, related by blood or experience, who never share in one another's lives. Yet here we all were, experiencing something completely magical, all together.
I reached up into the branches and encountered a chain of small dark grey birds. They were sleeping and linked together, as if making a garland for the tree. I petted them and people marveled at my comfort and skill in handling these small creatures. Someone else tried to do the same and the chain broke. The birds fell apart from one another and their beaks all fell off, scattering at our feet. The person who did this was berated, but I knew deep down that it wasn't a bad thing and that it could be fixed.
This was by far the most profound dream I've had in a great long while. I can't help but notice how it coincides with a few other big things in my life: First, I will be leaving my studio and starting up with a brand new Tattoo Shop. This will be a huge turning point in my life and the deal was sealed yesterday, when I noticed that the snow we got last week has made the ceiling of my studio go soft. This means that I won't be able to hang onto my studio, as I'd originally planned. I'm being forced by the universe to abandon my safety net and fling myself unaided into the unknown, with nothing but my best intentions to guide me. Second, I've been facing a lot of emotional issues with my family relationship lately. Well, mostly just my relationship with my parents, since I have almost no contact with anyone else in my "family". I've been realizing that childhood wasn't as gilt as we sometimes imagine. In a recent conversation with mom, a memory was sparked that I spent much of my childhood in emotional isolation to protect myself from my fracturing family. It's a normal defense mechanism and I wouldn't have noticed it, but that I have a child in my life who requires my patience and attention. Dan suggested remembering my own childhood as a guide for how to relate with his daughter. As I began to do so, I was hit with the weight of remembering how rough childhood was. I asked mom why I don't remember much and she said it was probably because I was trying to block out the pain. To have a dream wherein my family appears and we are able to freely share and experience appreciation and love for one another feels like I have turned some kind or corner, or perhaps resolved something in my mind regarding my relationship to my family, and ultimately that part of myself that I cut off from because I felt scrutinized and judged by them, rather than accepted. Third, I had another breakthrough on my story last night and I was able to sit and write for hours, which always leaves me feeling fulfilled and soul-satisfied.
This dream was a real blessing and I feel it was a sign, letting me know that I'm on the right path and that all I need to do is revel in the love - the rest will follow.

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