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Another cute boy dream gone bad.

I had a date with my friend Ben (not Benjamin from the Haight Street dream), a plan to just hang out at my place, make dinner and most likely cuddle or mess around. I was really excited about this because i have been trying to connect with him for quite a while now but things just never line up for us. We smooched once at a party and i was always curious about going deeper with that. So in this dream, i was definitely looking forward to that.

I think we had gone out to the store to get some stuff for dinner, but somehow, it turned into a convoluted drive all over town to give some girl a ride somewhere, take Ben to someplace he needed to go, to get his license or something, and the windshield was so hard to see out of that the whole trip was hairy. It was raining and miserable outside, and finally we made it back home. I was so looking forward to just getting cozy and quiet, but he seemed restless. There was something going on, like he wasn't comfortable with me or he had somewhere else he wanted or needed to be--i could just sense that he wasn't telling me everything. So i asked if we could talk about that, the shifty vibe, the feeling i was getting that he didn't really want to be there with me. Earlier, it had seemed to me that we were both stoked to finally have some time together after flirting with the possibilities for two years. The decision to hang out that night had been totally mutual and i thought he was as into it as i was. While we were having this discussion, his head was changing into different cartoon characters, like cute little Japanese toys. It was like he was turning into a child before my eyes as i exposed his vulnerability with my piercing questions. He admitted that there was a Burning Man party that he was really hoping to go to, but didn't want to disappoint me so he went through with meeting up with me as we had planned. Then he asked if i wanted to go to the party with him. I really didn't, but at that point i had nothing to lose--no other plans, and didn't want to just stay home and be bummed.

So i drove to this party which was in a loft space in the warehouse district. It was a very typical Burner party, which i generally don't enjoy much, not being a Burner and being totally over loud obnoxious groups of people in fuck-me outfits getting wasted. I tried to find something fun or some decent conversation. The music sucked, i didn't know anyone, and after about an hour there, i was thinking about leaving. I couldn't find Ben anywhere. I looked for quite a while as i didn't want to just ditch him or leave him stranded unless he had a ride. Finally i found him in the basement which was lit horribly with fluorescent ceiling fixtures, bright white walls and concrete floors. He was sitting on a faux wooden laminated table next to a girl with long blonde hair who looked very young. She was a bit soft in body type, dressed in some frilly white thing, had a lot of makeup on and not in a good way. She was crying and her mascara was running. I came upon this scene and realized pretty quickly that Ben had something going on with this girl and i was like, "oh jesus...", rolled my eyes and let him know that i was going to split. He started to get up, as if to explain or apologize, but we never got into that because i woke up.

I think this dream is a pretty good example of my love life, even though these things don't actually happen to me, the mixed messages, fickleness, lack of mutual interest and complications with other partners are all the reasons why i've given up on dating for a while.

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