I dont remember much but we were in a bed and my cousin was trying to embrace and abuse me. This guy abused lightly (or so I remember) me when I was a kid. I only started remembering the scenes when I was 16, before of that there was a memory block (traumatic in nature? I think so) and the strangest thing, he was my most beloved cousin, the one I got so excited for when he visited our house. He also taught me about Starcraft, such a good game. So BEFORE having 16 years old I loved him so much that getting to sleep into his room and playing with him videogames was an exciting thing. I guess he was kind of the big brother I never had. Looking back its really odd what I felt, and how I buried those scenes and they emerged later. I stopped talking to him around the same time I started remembering. I had a hard time understanding why my father never got to beat him up inmediatly as he heared my confession. I would do it for my son. Especially since he actually beated me and my brothers up several times (I got the worst part, he changed for the better with the years, I think he is a good man) and has always had a good physique (he is in the military). One day I almost blacked out because he was strangling me. I was drooling and crying profusely, couldnt breath, and the sides of my vision started to narrow, pushed by the void. Barely managed to say that I loved him, my brain came up with this as an emergency measure, then he left me coughing in the floor. I usually cry when I talk about this stuff, especially about the dissapointment about my father, so its clearly a trigger point in my psyche. Yeah, the more I write and think about it, the more these things seem clustered with pain inside me. I used to thought the beatings of my father or the slight abuse (supposedly) of my cousin didnt affect me (and especially the fact that both in a way victimized me, and furthermore my father didnt punish the other abuser) as much but THAT was just another block, like the one I had in the memory.
In the dream, my cousin was physically imposing and clearly was able to dominate me. I was struggling desperately and trying to kick or punch him without much success. Then I thought I could let him kiss me so to catch him off guard. So I did, such a disgusting feeling with that porcine face of him slobbering my mouth. And managed then to get him off me and started hitting him with feet and fists furiously. But he caught my blows eventually and was laughing, I think. I couldnt get that fucking pig. It would be different in real life. A common occurrence in my dreams, not being able to take down my opponent, or my blows dont affecting him.