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263
notes to the shaman

As above, so below.... every person, event, reaction or unfolding in my life is a new assignment from my higher Guru to go within and unearth what is waiting to be discovered.

There is a new and empowered awakening happening within me that has been growing ever stronger for some time

Our meeting was destined and the energy of it jarred me awake to look at an aspect of self I had tidily locked away in a dark and empty room and left there to rot...

the strong and compelling wave of your energy field felt intentional...was experienced as being thrust upon me...

a gift from an old, dear friend arriving on the stage in perfect timing...full moon...lunar eclipse...a potent and foretold day on my chart, on my journey... promising emotional upheaval, remembering, reawakening

I knew instantly that this energy was forced upon me by a higher source to bring forth the massive transformation which I know I have been resisting...a complete reworking of self...a transformation so natural, and so right...has already happened and is already history but for the illusion of time...that will allow me to fully embrace who I am becoming

My mind struggles with how this transformation is possible in light of the life I am living....feels like it will require vast amounts of courage to break free of all of the chains embedded in my psyche... of acceptable social structure...of my relationship, of commitments and 'contracts'...will dismantle my beautiful, comfortable world

yet life has gifted me with the wisdom and experience to know that in order to grow we must be willing to let go

Deep down inside I know I have the courage to walk away from it all, but the left brain says "why" and "you would be a fool", and I struggle with the guilt from my projection of the pain my actions would cause to so many

I love every aspect of my life...the good things and the challenges and recognize there are teachings in everything...that any life is fully worth living and that the details don't really matter

yet there is an energy, a voice, a desire deep within me saying "just buy a van and go"..."get on a plane...go back to India" "your teacher awaits you"...break free of this whole economic prison and moralistic, Christian social structure that confines and depletes the love and flow and creativity in all of us

"be a leader" the voice says..."show the way"..."you have it in you"..."it's already done"

the voice has shown me how tired and done I am with all of the power structures, controls, restrictions that have been placed upon us to conform...to restrict our abilities to fully embrace and explore ourselves and this endless unfolding of the miracle of life

I am ready for huge, transformative change for mankind, for consciousness, for all that is

I am ready for the powerful return of Spirit into this realm, channeled through each and everyone of us

Spirit has been denied it's place in this existence for too long...somewhere along the way a disconnect occurred...leaving us so out of balance...so empty without our connection to source

these days, I often feel universal love flow easily through me and understand that inside of this vibration all actions stem from love.

I am slowly beginning to accept that through this flow my life will also flow in new and different ways, will attract to me all that is harmonious with this vibration

resisting anything that I attract will merely dampen the immense joy I feel when source flows through me...with futility, will slow down the inevitable...cause me to suffer....

hard to break free of the pattern of suffering ingrained from so many lifetimes of conditioning

...but the greater the connection to source, the more I experience the truth...that I am beautiful, perfect, whole and complete exactly as I am

when we finally find this...accept this...know this to be true we begin to understand we truly are but vehicles for the workings of the Divine

let go...be free...watch for momentum and allow it to do the work...

...this is the art of being in the flow

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