Morning of April 5, 2014. Saturday.
I wasn’t going to write too much on this yet, as I would likely end up meandering off on a much unrelated tangent as I sometimes (often?) do. However, here it is for now.
Throughout my life, there has been a consistent event that, for whatever reason, I hadn’t documented at all. It was only once, though, when it was impossible to avoid. This happened when we still lived on Barolin Street about ten years back.
Normally, I would be relaxed, not always in a dark room, but the experience is more “obvious” in a darker room. The event is as follows - my vision “shifts” somehow and I am aware of a very “distant” (and rather tiny) Mandelbrot-like design. It lasts just long enough to notice, and then everything is normal again. This is nothing at all like the bright Blue Pearl event (or Blue Flame or whatever the other people who also have it like to refer to it as). It is not just on the left side (although it was seemingly so in its “giant” form), and is not at all like a light, more like the opposite of a tiny light. Unlike the Blue Pearl, it does not seem to shift that much in being “farther away” or “closer” at different times.
It was only once when it was actually very “close” and also overwhelming. It reminded me somewhat of a giant paramecium “sped up” in visual focus. The cilia actually “rotated” around the form rapidly and caught me off guard when I turned to my left and “caught” it internally (I assume internally, but “mirrored” outward). An unbelievably ecstatic surge struck me, possibly the strangest one I’ve ever had to that point (I’ve been “blissed-out” before - always without need of any drug - but this was ridiculous). The only time I had experienced anything remotely that intense visually (certainly not as emotionally as above) was during a hypnopompic surge where I had already opened my eyes and mistook the bottom (open cuff) of my black winter gloves for moving tank treads from a disproportionate war scene. Once they stopped moving (very similar to the cilia effect), and I saw that they were my gloves on the coffee table (I had been sleeping on the couch), my faux dizziness subsided.
I am not sure, though, if this Mandelbrot-like portal is associated with anything else I am familiar with; for example the fractal construct of the English language letter usage frequency as a form in itself, or perhaps even a “dud” version of the Blue Pearl event, where an old-fashioned camera’s flashbulb fizzles out instead of flashing. Perhaps it is even when the Blue Pearl is triggered, but a “door” is closed before it “spills” consciously. It is something that has remained identical and consistent since earliest memory and it’s quite amusing I have not “assigned” it with any purpose or meaning.
