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"What really happened?" (part one)

Clustered dreams on the night of February 19th, 2014.

A sequence of lifelong memories and realizations seems to become more defined than at any time previously. This seems to be for a few reasons, mostly based on the number of years I have lived, perhaps. As I am looking into some sort of "blurry" region of consciousness, some sort of unknown "room", a large dark figure "finally" moves out of my field of vision and is not even in the periphery of my viewpoint. When this person/creature/shape moves "away", the light is brighter. It is sort of like squinting your eyes to an extreme and watching a large, chubby person step away from in front of a table lamp - in fact that is almost like what "did" happen.

From here, memories. The knowledge of my partner in life upon her birth many years before we "actually" communicated and met. What exactly was this and what caused it? While it is true that fractals in topography, perception, and precognition are "too obvious" to see as coincidental - and imply a possible "higher" design somehow, I still focus on the idea of my possible instigation, solely as myself (with no "angel", "guide", or "god"). My age at the time was about 7 years 8 months 25 days, or 403 weeks, or 2,825 days. Not even sure if that is relevant, since I had already dreamed of large green eyes and other aspects prior to that. The idea of "capturing" a new life from hundreds of miles across the ocean during birth also comes to mind (I actually sensed something like this just prior to my own birth), but that would give me more "active ability" than is the case. I see myself as having no real "power" of any kind, and as I have stated in the past, I do not believe in psychics (well, I do believe that most people "accidentally" remote view or "project" or indulge in subtle telepathy - but that is another idea entirely) or people who pretend to have "answers" (of any kind - both spiritual and materialistically). Otherwise that would make the future collectively too static - and I still believe it is mostly dynamic on most levels.

Once the "activation" was viable, my twin flame was able to "watch" me somehow. Evidence of that was too clear and obvious and on a level that had to be some sort of telepathy combined with remote viewing. She had drawn something identical (even the same pencil slip or subtle "mistake" in the drawing) as my "other". This in turn came before the "castle of the winds" battle between her and the "other" where the "other" had "lost". Unfortunately, my wife's mother also had extreme remote viewing abilities which was tied in with various types of synchronistic precognition - for example, I received a letter from her with a complex drawing (including a deer in a forest and squirrels in precise locations) on the envelope of a scene identical to one I had just found and had put on an envelope to send to my yet-to-be wife. To tell myself any of it could have been chance or something "explainable" on "normal" human terms, well, I would have to be, in all honesty, seriously ignorant and practically without a mind of any kind from the beginning - and yet it was the opposite - the school always felt I "needed" to be two or three grades higher but I did not want to leave my circle of friends - I also thought placing an eight or nine-year-old with solely twelve-year-olds would only serve to be problematic. The accuracy was always too clear and precise to be anything other than somehow seeing what could not "actually" be seen via normal means. Continuously. I became suspicious of people in general (only on a more subtle, primarily "inactive" level - I was still a great "actor") because of their extreme lack of credibility and absent-mindedness and "selective amnesia" when anything paranormal was involved. Something was "wrong" somewhere, and I was validated in this time and time again. Everything people told me turned out to be wrong.

Almost as if by design, people I did not know would bring up something that was actively "against" something I had just learned or experienced. This happened continuously and was just one more facet of the "funny business" I lived through. People as a rule already did not have much credibility, but this was almost absurd relative to the "perfect timing".

In my dream, between the clusters of clearer realizations, my wife and I are together on a tourist bus. It seems we are the only passengers. There is another bus that passes and gives some sort of advice to the driver. The bus seems to be going in somewhat of a "Z-shaped" pattern which repeats a few times, seemingly on some sort of log platform or bridge near the ocean. It is mostly uneventful. It is almost as if the bus driver is "every man" and has been uncertain of the "final stop". I am not angry with the driver as I am not really angry with the nature of "normal" humanity (not to date anyway, I guess I have just been "lucky" - though I have yet to even consider "luck" as something real). Still, I am not the driver in this more obscure part of the dream - I am, I guess, still a "traveler" at some levels.

It has never been in my nature to be confrontational or with any sort of "need" to debate the nature of reality (other than with an occasional Internet troll and even that is quite rare). This has always seemed pointless - I lived and I lived it out - it unfolded in every way possible - and is now my life on every level - it is now the past that is sort of "haunting" instead of the "seen" future from that point (how could everyone in my life have been so wrong and even seemingly without will?) - and as I have said before, it is now the "other" that is the elusive "mystery". For the most part, I feel my eyebrows furrow slightly at times, almost automatically, still wondering what humans are all about when I feel part of a "living cartoon" at times (only when seeing the ideas of others, especially on Facebook and on various news-related shows on television) - so much is so "wrong" in the world out there and so much is even not what it really "is", even as reported on the news. I always tell myself that there must be a reason for some of this unfathomable construct regarding "normal" humans. All of this has not come with being older as some might think. I felt this exact same way as a young boy. For example, even then, I sensed that only about twenty percent of people who were arrested actually did anything wrong - while on the other hand - people live a life of crime on some levels for half a century before anything is resolved (if ever) - not including common commercial/corporate crime and deception and basic injustice.

The "replaying" of scenes in this dream sequence is not distorted in any real way. It is almost like some sort of closure in a way. I sense, albeit in a minor way, that something is on the horizon, yet can not be sure of what it is. This is "felt" by the figure that moved away to expose the "lamp" as if it had been standing there since my birth.

There are still a few unusual theories that surface at times. One theory is that my wife's mother projected her daughter's birth to me (randomly and from across the ocean - as she does - or rather did - have extraordinary abilities to control people in near-unimaginable ways, including authority). This doesn't seem valid, though. She was always strongly against any of her children having their own lives even as adults.

Another theory was that I learned so much "control" later on in life (regarding focus and subconscious communication) as well as knowing certain things I have never read about - that my "final" future self somehow "bled" (in a somewhat linear fashion) into "pockets of the past" - which would have been the present at that time. This is also considering that time is not linear but beyond three dimensions. This almost seems "obvious" in some ways, but is just another partially-baked theory until it proves otherwise.

Still another theory is that the future "unfolds" in equidistant patterns as the past "unfolds", each from the "Now", in opposite directions. This doesn't seem realistic as my memories are too lucid and static to be "just patterns" (even though I have always had clearer - including visual -"memories" of things that hadn't yet actually occurred - nothing at all like deja vu, which I have only read about and likely not experienced to my knowledge), but perhaps it relates to higher functions somehow or other layers of continuity and "communication" with otherwise hidden aspects of nature itself.

All in all, the dream sequence, though "loose" and mostly uneventful still brings a sense of higher clarity and realization. It can't just be from learning more or as continuously seeing "normal" humans as having less credibility or truth than ever before - I sense it may be something else to be learned later, perhaps.

The rotated map of Australia has come to remind me of the United States even more than it did as a younger teenager - with more "matches" (including "opposite matches" or visual patterns) than I had found when younger. At any rate, this series of non-dramatic dream imagery and thoughts does seem to bring a greater understanding of what likely "really happened", even if I am still not a hundred percent sure of the "mechanism" since just prior to my birth. Although I may have "instigated" it in a way from childhood on, contact from that point was never truly lost, thus my yet-to-be wife had the same basic "clues" since birth until our actual "real-life" communication unfolded and the rest is history so to speak. We both seem to be able to sense deception in people really easily (including religious ideas). Perhaps there are still things to come on some levels. Still, I have been fulfilled, but perhaps a new focus may come.

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