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Between two worlds - within one

Morning of April 3, 2010. Saturday.

This has been recurring to some extent for years, so I might as well include a partial scene of it.

I am seemingly on the highest floor of a tall apartment building, though it could be a fancy hotel as I do not think I live there permanently (though if I am in transit, I am not sure of the "before" and "after" locations, either). Looking out from the window, it is higher than all other buildings by several floors. I am not sure of the location or even the country. It is later at night, perhaps near eleven o'clock and there is a strong and steady rain but only mild thunder and lightning. At times, it almost seems like the building is part of a different (higher) dimension, but unlikely, as if it were it would look completely different and not be discernible as a building unless its higher construct was some sort of enigmatic implied 4D hyper-polyhedron that looked like a building from one point of 3D view (or rather the inside of one) - a better term would be an alternate three-dimensional structure in a parallel world, with the window being the portal, I suppose.

There is an enhanced sense of intimacy, of lovemaking (symbolic). This is of a different nature and at far more than one level. I move to the window (which has no screen), being half in the room and half outside. I sit on the window sill after rigging a makeshift seat along one side with a larger pillow folded somewhat L-shaped (because it is a sliding window and the base with the runners would be a bit uncomfortable to straddle directly), my left side evenly staying in the semi-lit warm room and my right side exposed to the cool outside, but the heavier rain is partially tamed by the (unseen) features of the building, it seems - whatever rain drops reach me are like cold forces of physical bliss - almost bordering on "unbearably sweet". Outside the window is some sort of balcony - with a solid barrier about waist-high, ahead from where I am facing, the balcony has normal access from a door to outside.

I still get a very light awareness of being between worlds or taking "my world" into the exotic and beautiful construct of another, though technically I am not certain if all of this world is as one domain. Still, it seems more intimate and body-wide than an actual act of lovemaking - sort of as an act of joining one physical world to another with my body and overall presence as the "bridge", due to the whole body being involved in a half and half experience of different sensual cues. I suppose it is hard to describe and I even sway side to side very slightly. This awareness seems to come and go in a strange way, between absentminded ecstasy and a puzzlement as to my present position and what my next event will be or need to be. I deliberately try to be perfectly half and half, although my legs are in different positions each side - no effect on my head in a physical sense other than a slight tingling on one side that does not grow in intensity. I do not really want to leave. I want to be here always and I want the cold hard rain to evenly fall always. Always night and always a semi-lit room to my left. This seems to be some sort of Yin and Yang state where I am both at the same time.

I am reminded of an unusual "trick" where you have your hand and upper arm in cold water on one side and hot water for the other hand, and then switch hands after a time - it is a very strange experience as if the mind cannot deal with the changeover.

enjoying cold rain
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