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Deja vu late for bike camping

I am with a friend in his living room and we are packing for a bike / camping trip that starts today, Saturday. A parent, i think his father, is somewhere in the background.

I describe its purpose using this terribly clever fancy cosmological phrase... sidelong dimensional projection or something... Can't remember the illuminating phrase damn!

Last year i was running late for the trip (been here before) but this year i am confident that all will go well.

We have been instructed to not unsafely tie our knapsacks directly to the back of the bike but to use a frame - like a sideways chair. But there is no chair for me to hold my stuff (my friend tied his up right) so after failing to find anything else i just tie the knapsack directly onto the frame. 

Sure enough i have to fuss with some dangling cords so they won't get caught up in my spokes. Also, i have 3 water bottles which keep falling out of my knapsack pockets - what am i going to do about that - one has no lid and is spilling and i am worried about making a mess in my friend's house.

It's all taking longer than i thought - frustrating - and i look out the window down the hill by the woods to see that the group has already gone. My heart sinks because i am late again this year and i am upset that i have also made my friend late who was ready.

I start to feel panic to hurry up and finish getting ready wondering if i might even lose them and see they are now out of sight.

I tell my friend to go ahead without me.

I remember also that there are big hills ahead that are sure to tire me out. Damn it all. How did this happen when i thought i was ahead of schedule?

Feeling badly i think that the trip leader will think i'm incompetent and forbid me from helping out even if i do catch up. 

Am i even capable of being a leader for these boys? What will my friend do if i am rejected?

I am feeling a lot of tension, surprise and disappointment  over my failure now two years in a row.

I hate it that i have done this two years in a row.

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