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8 years ago
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701
Unexpected Harshness from Within.

I see people from a lifetime ago. I am in a time of my high school days. I see so many people that were my friends that are no longer. We are walking through a strange old school with many stairways and pretty stone walls that never existed in reality. I come into this circular room with small stadium type seating/ steps that are also stone. There are many, many people sitting around. A man stands in the center, I assume he is the professor. I sit down and realize I have an touchscreen tablet in my hand (I do not own one). I'm getting a sense of past and future colliding. I feel slightly restless as a girl sits down to me that once was a close friend.
In reality she was outgoing and religious, the exact opposite of me other than the fact that we both took and loved theater. In reality I celebrated Thanksgiving with her as it was my first year that I realized my own was compromised, as was my nuclear family, and I had none to go to (now I have too many to go too thankfully). She distanced herself from me as I joined a group she did not respect.
She was talking to me about something I do not remember. The teacher turns to me and exclaims that I'm back. He's getting the crowd excited and buzzing. I realize how many people are there from my past. People that I may have hung out with a lot, and people I just said a few words to. I feel uneasy. The professor then criticizes me, I don't remember what he says. Then everyone turns and looks at me. One by one people start exclaiming critical things. My younger self would have taken this. However I'll never be 16 again thank goodness.
I stand up and throw the tablet on the ground. I tell them all to shut up. I am angry and I do not like this but I want them to stop. I ask them why they think they can say such things to me. I ask them who they think they are by saying these things. I tell them I don't talk to them for a reason and that they are being a bunch of asses.
I storm away.
I feel weak, because such anger is weakness.
I realize I can never go back. I realize I meant such mean things to the people who were criticizing me, and not to the people that said nothing. I did not mean it to my old friend. I could see her sadness when I left.

I am in a dirt parking lot.
A red car pulls up with, yet another, close friend from my past.
She was in the very group that I moved to. A reckless group. In reality she was my closest friend for years and she fell down a dark hole and moved away. Luckily, I never fell.
She tells me to get in. Another girl that I never hung out with but was quite interesting in my old days was there too. I'm in the backseat.
They turn and look at me, I realize they must have been in the room.. I am ashamed.
I tell them I do not know what came over me.
My old friend smiles, and there's peace in this car.
They tell me I can never come back. They hand me three small books and tell me to read them.
They tell me to get out and get a bag from the trunk and leave.
I go to the trunk with books in hand and the trunk pops open.

I awake.

When I wake up I realize how strange it is that a dream can bring back long forgotten memories. I wonder why my emotions were so dark in this dream. I shall cleanse myself and I thank this dream for showing me to keep calmness in my heart.

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